OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Find a good therapist

**Posted by miriam80** March 17, 2025 6:02 pm

How do you go about finding a good therapist? I am not sure if my husband is depressed or just not attracted to me, perhaps he’s asexual. And I really need help communicating my own sexual needs. I really have no idea but I need a therapist who understands how some spouses do hide sexual identity. Most therapists who I have reached out to don’t understand this at all. And don’t really understand the gamut of human sexuality even if they are sex therapists. Go figure.
I’m a female in my early 40’s. I’d appreciate finding a female therapist. Living in California

**Posted by MarieSmith** March 17, 2025 8:10 pm

Hi Miriam80 -

After speaking to three - all of whom I had issues with blaming me (at what point in my relationship did I specifically, verbally tell my husband that I expected monogamy for the entirety of my marriage?! How was he to know??) or using the outdated codependency model or encouraging me to be "more supportive" of my "brave" husband living his truth - I found a fantastic one in CA that I went to a week-long intensive with. Unfortunately I live in a different state so couldn't see her regularly. I will message you as well -

"Marie"

**Posted by miriam80** March 17, 2025 9:56 pm

Hi Marie, yes please message me. I’m glad you found a good one!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** March 17, 2025 10:33 pm

miriam80 wrote:
How do you go about finding a good therapist?....

To be honest...you have to find a therapist that you feel comfortable with. You may strike it lucky with the first one you try or it may take 2 or 3 before you find a good fit.
But the moment your spidey senses (your intuition) tell you this isn't the therapist for you... don't hesitate to look for another. This Mindfuck is too important to waste your time and money on bad counseling.

Elle

**Posted by freedmyself** March 19, 2025 1:40 am

Ohhhh that codependency garbage makes me mad! Someone suggested that I would benefit from a 12-step program so I could "let go" of thinking he would change, and accept that I didn't have control over the situation. Being misunderstood just adds insult to injury.