My G**, Walkbymyself, yes.  I also have so many regrets and "should haves."  As a cis-gender woman, I was trained from a young age to be yielding and cooperative.  I should have been so much more aggressive in my divorce, but I just wanted it to end.

Now, I fear that if I should run into my ex, I will unload all of the pain and sadness and humiliation and . . . everything he left me with.

And he'll laugh and not get it and cut me down again.  So I have decided to preserve the fragile peace I have in my head by avoiding him (now her) at all costs.