OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / It's so much pain -does it get better?

**Posted by Fbibarbie** February 22, 2025 9:44 am

I am new to this board. Cindy/Violated our stories are extremely similar, 43 years of marriage. I didn’t realize until trying to compose this post how much has transpired since disclosure/discovery in June 2024. I filed for divorce immediately to protect me financially. The emotional overload after a lifetime of betrayal, fraud, and deception is ALOT. I chose to block my husband and have not had communication with him since I filed for divorce. This has allowed me to me to see things clearer. Yes, I find it difficult to comprehend that I trusted all his crazy justifications. I did feel very alone until I found Straight Spouse on the internet.

**Posted by walkbymyself** March 3, 2025 3:52 pm

Just reading this brought back all the feelings.

**Posted by gwendolyn_C** March 16, 2025 10:00 am

Yes, it does get better! I realized that I had to choose to look on the bright side so bitterness and resentment wouldn’t be present for the rest of my life. I choose to move forward. I still have to raise three children with this GID Ex of mine! Gesh! I have spent the last 8 months standing up for myself, and NOW we can at least have a cordial conversation about the children. This is what I KNOW - no one is exempt from Karma! It is no longer my job to focus on him. My goal is to live my best life! Hang in there! Continue to will yourself to focus on what you can control.

**Posted by freedmyself** March 19, 2025 1:35 am

Sag,
All of this hurts like hell, to be sure.

My GXH came out by telling me he wanted to split up, then giving me a long list of my supposed character flaws, and then oh and also I'm gay.

I think finding fault with me was his way of making it ok that he'd lied, gaslighted me, and cheated on me.

I'm a year and a half post-disclosure, and things are getting better for me all the time. I'm not sure that time alone would have gotten me better - therapy has been a great blessing, as have my adult kids. In the beginning, I obsessed over what he was thinking, when he knew, what I might have missed, and I've let that go.  I've never had a good explanation from him regarding when he realized it, whether he knew it when we met more than twenty years ago, when the cheating started. It took some effort to stop wishing for answers I was never going to get.

It's daunting to think about rebuilding my life in middle age, but my life is already so much better than giving my all in a fake marriage with someone wrapped up in his secret life.