Hi to Lost and Lonely,
I'm not sure if you've noticed but replies are disabled for the section of this forum where you posted your story. My sympathies, it is a huge shock, It's like riding an emotional rollercoaster for a while but it does settle down to more normal operation and I think it is possible to end up not so much grieving the loss as feeling grateful to yourself for your strength when you needed it.
all the best, Lily