OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / It's xmas day in New Zealand

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 24, 2024 8:04 pm

... and I feel nothing. My two adult sons came in for brunch then we caught a train out to where their car was parked. They went home and I'm catching the train back into the city. To fill my day.
I feel dead inside. Without my sons I think I would just have stayed in bed.

I am empty.

**Posted by Jupiter1** December 25, 2024 1:06 am

Elle, I’m sorry to hear of your pain today. Holidays are fraught with this scrambled/separated family situation. And on top of that, adult children often have such short visiting timelines. I’m sending you a (virtual) hug.

**Posted by walkbymyself** December 25, 2024 10:46 am

Merry Xmas, Elle. I'm on my own today, too. I might just go out and hop on a bus downtown, just to get out and see the city (we had snow yesterday, so NYC is actually having a white Xmas for a change).

**Posted by Anon 765** December 25, 2024 1:32 pm

Hi Elle,

I'm sorry you're having a rough day. There's so much pressure around the holidays to have a "magical time with the perfect family" and it's just not true - for most of humanity, I suspect. I'm alone for most of the day as well, after a visit from my son this morning. I suspect your day is over by now - hopefully tomorrow will feel better.

Sending hugs and warm wishes your way,

Anon 765

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 25, 2024 10:32 pm

Jupiter, Walk and Anon.....thanks for your thoughts.

Just before xmas I attempted to start a conversation with my trans grandson and said "you're trans and I'm gender critical....but maybe we can find common ground and talk face to face". He replied telling me he was blocking me and to not contact him again. Then his mother/my daughter emailed and told me she was ending our r'ship, blocking me and to not reply.

But today I learned my other daughter was coming for a visit next week
and bringing her 6 month old...so, it's swings and roundabouts

E

**Posted by Rob** December 28, 2024 9:55 pm

Elle

So sorry. I saw my kids for christmas..all seemed well. Later they alternated blocking and not speaking to each other...something they learned from their mother.

It like those with sexual issues feel that is the solution to everything. I hope it solves all their issues. Somehow I don't think it will.

Wishing you some peace and solace in this holiday season.

**Posted by Anon2222** December 29, 2024 12:13 am

Sending you virtual hugs from the other side of the world.

I am also struggling with the "dead inside" feeling.

From the outside, I appear to be doing better. I work. I've taken up hobbies. Met new people. I have some good days. But there's just this never ending empty feeling. I wish I had the answers for everyone in this group, to take away the pain of this betrayal. Honestly, I would love to step off the rollercoaster, but take it day by day.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone just taking it one step at a time!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 29, 2024 12:20 pm

Rob and 2222 🤗

When I joined SSN it was my 32yr (at the time) r'ship that brought me here. After 6 years, a heap of research, self-reflection and decision-making I feel I've come out the other side. Somewhat battered and bruised, but okay with the choice I made to change my life.
It's ironic that I've now been pulled back in to the Mindfuck via my grandson's belief in an ideology that many straightspouses partners identify with.

E

2222... Yeah the emptiness is killing me. If I wasn't so determined (and optimistic) to see how this ends... I might have given up already.

**Posted by MarieSmith** December 29, 2024 10:02 pm

Elle - I add my hug to the rest and wish I had something encouraging to type, thanks for all that you have shared with us/me - I appreciate it and know it has come with great cost, "HUG" - Marie

**Posted by Rob** December 30, 2024 11:54 am

Elle,

I don't know what it is about the holidays..it brings out the worst in narcissts and closeted people I think. They want certain appearances and can't control the narratives? They have no problem making the holidays all about them even if it means leaving others "dead inside". That dead feeling we get I truly belive is their "mission accomplished" feeling that they want to inflict...it somehow gives them some temporary sick pleasure of control or proof that their view is the only one.
The I'm right and your wrong and I will write you off forever behavior that they apply to everyrthing and everyone in their life. I got this from some of the kids and I let them know it wouldn't work on me.

You can give your daughter and granddaughter the space they want or feel they need but definitely don't beat yourself up or change who you are. Know that God sees.

Wishing everyone a calm and undramatic finish to the holidays going into the new year.

Last edited by Rob (December 30, 2024 11:56 am)