OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Feel Like everything is out of control

**Posted by lily** November 19, 2024 5:42 pm

sorry but I think you need legal advice - if you move out will that affect outcomes if it comes to divorce?

**Posted by Tabor** November 20, 2024 3:38 am

Taking some time and space is probably a good call for both of you. If she really doesn’t or can’t love a man and maybe never could then you’ll have to accept being separated from her as a romantic and sexual partner since that connection may have ultimately been one sided anyway... Maybe you can cultivate a friendship depending on circumstance and how this disintegration plays out…

From my perspective and personal experience I’m just happy to hear that you two haven’t had kids yet.

It’s possible she’s bi/pan but she likely needs some space to figure that out and, unfortunately for you, that might require an allowance for intimate exploration (which would mean opening the relationship for both of you).

Pressure from both straight and gay communities to “pick a side” is real and new relationship energy can be powerful so it’s also possible she’d identify as a lesbian after finding a same sex partner she cares for…

If you’re open to alternative family structures then maybe you two could pursue having kids in the future but it’d be best if you both entered into that with a clear understanding of your own sexuality so that you can co-parent well despite perhaps not being romantic or sexual partners anymore or anytime soon…

**Posted by lily** November 20, 2024 4:01 pm

Hi Tabor, maybe you could consider the pressure from both straight and gay communities you are picking up on isn't about picking sides, it's about opening the closet.

I don't expect it will work though, the closet goes back down the generations, and there's a lot of people with same sex attraction who are wedded to their closet primarily. My ex being one of them.

The sad thing to me is that straights are disappearing. Closeted people are always wanting a straight partner, and don't seem to care one bit about what it's doing to them.

**Posted by bc_08** December 1, 2024 9:56 pm

You're so many steps ahead of where I was when I was in the same spot (similar age). I'm glad you've found this group so much faster than I did and seem to be managing the situation so thoughtfully. There's so much good advice and lived experience on here to help you navigate the confusion. Keep doing what you're doing.