OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Totally lost

**Posted by Blackie563** October 19, 2024 3:28 pm

Devastated - all good. We've all been here. Truly a great group of people in this community. Not anti anything, just understand that you/we deserve better treatment. Vent, scream, feel every bit of this. Those emotions are important to process and key to the healing journey. Be well, reach out as often as you like.

**Posted by lily** October 19, 2024 4:17 pm

what if she never tells you it's over?

The way my mum finally put it was he will neither accept you or let you go.

When she said that I realised she was right.

The solution I came up with was time frames. I said you need to talk with me within the next three months. When he didn't I said I am giving you another 3 months in case you didn't realise I was serious. He laughed, but of course I was serious and once the next three months was up I could take his lack of response as being as conclusive as if he had said it was over.

I think it might be more difficult for the man with a non-straight wife though, and I wish you the best.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 19, 2024 6:48 pm

Devastated2024 wrote:
I just feel like I can not move on and start healing till the hammer drops and I hear it from her directly that it's over. I know it is though. Just venting, I know that no one can help.

It may sound harsh but you have to get behind the steering wheel and start driving this yourself instead of expecting/thinking/hoping for crumbs from her. Otherwise it'll be a trainwreck

Elle

**Posted by Devastated2024** October 19, 2024 11:07 pm

All good information. I am doing my best and will consider it all, thank you.

**Posted by Devastated2024** October 21, 2024 11:14 am

This is an up and down everyday. I told her yesterday that there are only two outcomes here, stay with as a hetero intimate couple or split and go our separate ways. Feels good to make that decision for myself as I had to dig deep to remove the open idea as that is just not for me. She now needs to figure out herself, for sure, to make this final call. Still spinning and I love this woman so much it hurts!

**Posted by Rob** October 22, 2024 10:54 am

Devastated

We love them but they hurt us.

What I found is it's a profound difference between ourselves and them. Hurting the ones we love is not something we want to do or have any desire to do. At some point I had to realize I did not cause any of it and myself appearing unkind to a cheating wife was not something I chose to do. It's like they start a fire and get upset with us for trying to put it out..instead they think we should just burn for them.

Wishing you strength and courage.