Anon 765 wrote:

..... I didn't want to be divorced, but I see that it is freeing me from something that was toxic to me....
Anon 765

 

That's great news Anon   How are your adult children taking it? Do they see their father or are they estranged?

E
 

Anon 765 wrote:

..... Was A ever able to be accountable to you for the harm he caused? The only...admission of responsibility...for anything he may feel guilty about was his offer to subsidise/keep paying the rent for the apartment (which A originally rented) I'm staying in. And only for roughly 3 months. I could try to get into a conversation about it and ask him for more of an explanation but I will always feel resentful of his reticence to have open conversation about the difficult questions so I don't tend to put myself in a situation where I end up second-guessing him, myself, the Mindfuck. So yes I did...just get to a point where you accept the situation for what it is? I think that will be the only way forward with my ex if I choose to continue to have him in my life going forward. Take him as he is, with no hope for an apology or accountability for the harm. I'm not there yet; still too mad about recent events It's such a difficult space to find ourselves in. We have all the thoughts, memories, emotions of a relationship we were sure was going to last forever.....but then we have the challenge of accepting it's gone and to survive we have to rebuild our life and at 66 I want sometimes to scream at the darkness (I don't want anybody to see what this has done to me because yes it is what it is. 

 

Anon if the man you were married to ever bring up the subject of apology/forgiveness/accountability grab it with both hands and try to engage. When A brought up the subject of keeping up with the tenancy here I wish I had recognised the opportunity to have the conversation/ask questions.

A said "it wasn't all my fault we didn't have a seven hundred thousand dollar house as an asset...." and silly me should have said "wtf....yes it was!. You were, I let you because I trusted you, have much of the control over our  financial decisions!! But too late lol....can't get that moment back.
But even though we're hurting, dazed from having to basically start again we still have to keep our wits about us and be smarter than the men we left

Elle
 

I will never get an apology ..that scares me to no end that she will always think she did nothing wrong. It's an evil sick morality.
  I've built a new life and can only hope she leaves me alone.

gwendolyn_C wrote:

Anon -  I am officially 5 months post-divorce, and it feels GREAT! Yes, I have fading waves of sadness, but it is normal. I KNOW I made the right decision to save myself!

That's awesome Gwendolyn! I was dreading "the actual official divorce day", since there's a bit of a wait between the day the court approves the divorce and the day it officially becomes final. But in fact, when the day itself arrived recently, I actually just felt relief. I am done. It's behind me and I can move on. I'm sure there will be some residual feelings that crop up from time to time, but that's more than worth the price of freedom.

Wishing us both good things in this new chapter of our lives!