OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Witchcraft, Novels, and more!!!

**Posted by HeldHostageInHerCloset** September 18, 2024 8:56 am

And last night, while she was out again for the 9th night in a row... Was looking thru some instagram posts from a band (or DJ.. I'm really not sure) that plays at the gay bar she goes to and there's a video with her a few people back from the stage. PI has been trying to get video of her inside for a couple months now... and there it is.

**Posted by HeldHostageInHerCloset** September 18, 2024 9:48 am

and just found receipts for vodka at the gay bar as well as 2 green arm bands, they have a color coded arm band system where green signifies "available". And a restaurant receipt for yesterday when she was supposed to be "working out".

At this point, I have to assume she wants to be called out.

**Posted by Supernova** September 18, 2024 12:44 pm

What a punch to the gut. Is your thought your wife is going on dates. What is your end goal or the private detective once he has evidence; is this for your own validation that she's committed sexual immorality? Why do you think she's chosen not to end your marriage herself given her behavior?

**Posted by lily** September 18, 2024 3:32 pm

yes, this is very much worth thinking about - she might not want to end the marriage in that she is already living the way she wants to.

also sorry but I am wondering if the way you are tracking your wife for such an extended period of time is wise - is it legal?

I thought the advice from the lawyer sounded good. When my ex would stall in the procedure I would remind him that family court is full of couples going broke fighting over it when at the end of the day the judge is going to make the same split he would have done in the first place.

Last edited by lily (September 18, 2024 3:34 pm)

**Posted by HeldHostageInHerCloset** September 19, 2024 6:54 am

At this point with the PI, mainly just using up the remainder of the retainer. I had initially wanted confirmation of adultery for my own conscience and admissible evidence if it became necessary. It may not make a huge difference in our state other than for alimony.

As far as the tracking. Her car came with it from the dealership, which I've told her a couple times in the past that it had. I'm still about 3 weeks out from when I can confront her, logistically speaking with upcoming travel for work, very little of what the tracker shows at this point is new information outside of just knowing for sure when she's lying. Wise... I don't know, healthy.... no, not really.

I think it is the case though, she's living the way she wants, and she's not having to pay for it.

**Posted by Rob** September 20, 2024 9:49 am

Held,

I basically did my own snooping and sleuthing ...my GX was so bad at hiding what she was doing.. could read all her disgusting and hurtful text and emails etc. At some point I had to stop as her behavior was obvious that she didnt want me or the marriage anymore. You know what you will find.. just more bad stuff and hurt.

Confronting was pointless for myself... regardless of evidence you may get just more delusional lies that make no sense morally or in reality.. Basically what I did was maintain status quo.. take care of the kids, start planning what I wanted, attorney, bank etc.... ie. you can go out honey I'll watch the kids...just please go out. There was little left to say. We cannot force them to want us... this is not us leaving them..this is them rejecting us.

Just start taking steps, however small to plan your exit.. You may find, as I did, that you can prep and prepared quite a bit while she is oblivious is her gay fantasy land. It was pomp and circumstance for me when real reality hit my GX (what you mean you wont pay for hotel rooms anymore).

Wishing you courage and stoic resolve for yourself and the kids.

**Posted by Supernova** September 21, 2024 6:23 pm

Held,

I ask your intent because it sounded like you were planning to confront her with the evidence of her actions and while it might seem cathartic, it could end up hurting your interests. If she's anything like my wife she'll try turning it on you and refuse to admit fault. Worse, you might both piss her off and show her your hand. You know her, you kind of have to guess how she will respond and prepare for it.

If you think this could turn negative and she might lawyer up it's best to be ready. Regardless it is wise to retain a lawyer that specializes in divorce and pay for a few hours of advice and planning. You'll probably want to be the one to file because it allows you more control the timeline and once you file you receive protection against her over spending or trying to move/hide money.

You'll want to make sure you retain all your premarital assets which includes premarital 401k plus the growth, inhertance, etc. A lawyer working behind the scenes (she doesn't need to know) can make sure you get everything you're entitled to and help minimize your alimony.

I know this is all unsolicited advice, sorry for that! I wish you and your family the very best.

**Posted by HeldHostageInHerCloset** September 21, 2024 9:36 pm

Super. Cold war tactics.
I'm mainly keeping what I've found for use if she forces this to go to court, but also for when her side of the family starts asking questions. I'll need their support when it comes to primary custody.
With the video on instagram, receipts, late nights, and that i simply don't want to be married to a lesbian witch (she's admitted to being lesbian, and the witchcraft is simple enough to prove), I have enough to confront her with without showing her the everything I know. Whether she denies or not, it's pretty easy for anyone to see she doesn't want to be here.

The last lawyer i spoke with (who I know personally) advised against filing until I speak with her and just ask her what she wants. In my case, there's no real assets to fight over, we have more debt than equity. If she demands 50%... she's welcome to it. I plan to sell the house either way to pay off as much debt as I can, I'll be able to rebuild faster without her.
We married before I finished grad school, so even my retirement (less than $40k saved so far) is post-marital. Other than a 20 year old toyota and my non running project car, I don't have much else to lose as far as assets.
Ultimately the kids are the only thing I'm worried about.

**Posted by Daryl** September 22, 2024 9:35 am

Please take this as cautionary advice, not war tactics, cold or otherwise.
I think many of us want to believe that our spouses will be fair and reasonable, but that's not always the case.

I would also caution you on anticipating any support from your in-laws. Take any you get as a bonus.
They may not approve of her actions but supporting you, in terms of primary custody, might be a little too much to ask for. There may also be an unspoken fear that, over time, they will see the kids less often, especially if you have a new relationship sometime in the future.

Good luck, always have a back-up plan.

**Posted by HeldHostageInHerCloset** September 23, 2024 9:27 am

Daryl,
Understood. She's never exactly been fair nor reasonable.

The in-law situation is probably not typical in that her family has been thru this before. Her father left her mother for a man, her step-dad's ex is also now a lesbian. They are all conservative Christian including preachers, and I've had a pretty good relationship with them all. I would even gladly consider moving closer to them (still in-state) just for the kids to spend more time with them. But you're right, this could all be wishful thinking.