OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / The NUN Syndrome

**Posted by True** September 14, 2024 9:32 am

A Nun is a woman who vows to dedicate her life to religious services, typically living vows of poverty, chastity, & obedience in the enclosure of a monastery or convent.

In a MO Marriage ‘ Not By Choice’! strangely we are very similar to the Nun! accepting chastity from our ITCGH by withholding sexual desires & a deep emotional connection in the covenant of our marriage.
Once discovery is confirmed the dreams of a deep intense sexual connection is never going be.

Truth be told I never had a deep sexual passionate relationship with my ITCGH ever!. Never being satisfied sexually’ always being left with subpar fulfillment & a feeling something was missing, something was wrong!. I began to blame myself!, I now realize looking back it wasn’t me w/ all the issues, it was my GH lack of desire for me. Trying to have a deep intimate relationship with my ITCGH is impossible! Not only is it impossible it’s not even my desire moving forward.

the Nun Syndrome causes we aren’t getting none!.

Please share your thoughts life experiences on your Nun Syndrome…

**Posted by Momoftwo** September 14, 2024 10:17 am

I haven't been on this forum for some time. It has been three years since my husband died from a massive heart attack. I was born and raised catholic and taught by nuns. My parents wanted me to enter the convent but I honestly never felt the calling. After I married and started realizing my husband had no interest in me and noticing he was always spending time with his male friends, his bike friends, his orchestra buddies. One time in particular sticks out to me there was a symphony playing and he told me he was going and I said I would like to go. I know he wasnt happy we went to dinner before hand and he didn't speak to me the entire meal. We get to the concert and I introduce myself to a man standing there who is shocked and said we didn't know he had a wife!!! So yes I can relate to nun syndrome and there were numerous times I would say I wish I would have entered the convent. I definitely can relate to the poverty, chastity and obedience. He controlled the money, we never had sex, no affection and I did his laundry, make his meals, and spent a lot of time at home alone. I wish thinking back I would have left but I chose not to so that is on me. I do recall few times I would say that l was not happy and considering it he would give me a look that if looks could kill and say I wouldn't be able to afford to leave him. Thanks for your post this morning it made me actually laugh to know there is someone out there that put this into words.

**Posted by Tiredmom** September 14, 2024 4:46 pm

It definitely hits home with what I thought was just low testosterone for him and an over active drive for me.

Nun syndrome indeed!!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 14, 2024 8:31 pm

I don't see the need to give my experience another catchy name...or compare it to anybody else's life.

Because that would be disrespecting the choices other people make. Shoes I would never choose to walk in.

Elle

**Posted by HeldHostageInHerCloset** September 14, 2024 9:31 pm

I guess I get to have the Monk Syndrome then.
She's the only one I've ever been with, so I don't have much comparison. We waited for marriage for actual sex, but she was the first to make a move prior with heavy petting or other making out. Honeymoon phase was great for a few months, but quickly the lingerie turned to sweats... the fun of doing it on a rock in the middle of a river turned to the same old thing everytime where she just laid there.
I have to accept the blame for my porn struggles, but I also feel she contributed. At one point we met with a preacher that basically turned to her and said she wasn't being sexual enough, which naturally offended her, and drove a wedge between this preacher and us... 10 years later I look back and think... we, maybe.
She's told me flat out well before finding out, sex with me is meaningless and she'd just assume do it with the next guy she ran into at a gas station.
If I ever initiated, she'd immediately shoot me down, guilt trip me, say that's all I thought about. It was only when she'd actually initiate, but still, it was just her laying there.
It's been since January since we did anything (which wasn't much), and last november since I bothered asking. I at least sleep better now knowing it just won't happen and not to bother trying, rather than staring at the ceiling till 3am after being pushed away yet again.

**Posted by gwendolyn_C** September 17, 2024 2:29 pm

I can relate. The blameshifting and made to feel like I wasn't enough did a mental number on me! It took a couple of years to believe I was desirable and lovable. I even convinced myself that I preferred to sleep in the bed by myself (my Ex moved out years before my divorce because he claimed back issues). I convinced myself not to expect much affection from my ex-husband after he had been gone for months. He told me that I had watched a lot of soap operas. After working away for 3 months, he complained of being tired and needed a week or so to recover before expecting affection. Fast forward, I don't have that problem now. I'm with a guy who gets off a plane and desires to see me to get a kiss!

I'm friendly (for the sake of kids) with my Ex-husband but we are not friends. Otherwise, he would have been kicked out of my life by now! Not to apologize and own up to his damage will always be the reason we are not friends! I have told him that I don't respect him, but I will work with him because he's a decent Father.

**Posted by Blackie563** September 17, 2024 7:14 pm

Me too, gwendolyn. I dont respect my ex, but I am cordial. I really don't engage with her unless there is absolutely no other choice and made sure that all communication goes through OFW (court approved app). Disrespect will close doors that can not be re-opened. One of my daughters asked me recently about me and her mom, I simply said I didn't cut your mom out of my life to teach her a lesson, I cut her out of my life because I finally learned mine".

Anyone who still can not accept responsibility for their actions is unchanged and unworthy of your respect, time or energy.

**Posted by gwendolyn_C** September 19, 2024 6:18 am

Blackie - Well said!