OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Five year follow up

**Posted by Str8guy** July 12, 2024 1:17 pm

I wanted to share an update on my life post-divorce, reflecting on the challenges I've faced and the progress I've made.

Overcoming Suicidal Thoughts
First and foremost, I'm immensely grateful that I didn't act on the suicidal thoughts I experienced during my divorce. It remains the most challenging period of my life, but I'm glad I made it through.

Ex-Wife's Journey
My ex-wife has been on her own journey of self-discovery:

Initially identified as lesbian (causing our separation)
Dated women for a while before deciding she preferred not to "be the man" / provider in relationships
Now primarily dates men
Has expressed regret over our divorce, which I've acknowledged while maintaining boundaries
Continues to face emotional and financial struggles

As the mother of my children, I hope she finds stability, but I've made it clear that I can't be her safety net.

My Personal Growth
Despite the initial setbacks, including six-figure debt from the divorce, I've managed to turn my life around:

On track for early retirement within 3-5 years
Choosing to remain single to focus on personal growth and supporting my children
Considering retirement in Southeast Asia

Children's Well-being
Our children are thriving:

They maintain a loving relationship with their mother while recognizing her challenges
Often prefer to spend time with me (we allow them to choose)
I'm committed to supporting them through their graduation and beyond

Reflections on Life Now
While I wouldn't say every day is amazing, as I'm still working towards my goals, I can confidently say:

Each day is good, and I feel genuinely happy
Almost every day now is better than 99% of the days in the latter half of my marriage

Message of Hope
To anyone going through a similar situation: It does get better. This community has been invaluable in my journey, and I've recommended it to others facing similar challenges.

Thank you all for your support during my darkest times. Your help has made a real difference in my life and the lives of others I've directed here.

**Posted by walkbymyself** July 12, 2024 3:29 pm

Wow, that's a lot .... how long have you been post-divorce? I'm still dealing with the suicidal thoughts, though I know enough not to act on them. Still, the depression is hard to escape.

**Posted by lily** July 12, 2024 6:17 pm

thanks straight guy.

I remember how I felt - how bewildered I was, how much I was hurting, and I so needed corroboration - I did not know I was being gaslighted.

I can't help but feel for people in the same situation I was.

I live in Australia and am wondering why you are thinking of retiring to Southeast Asia? please don't say you've met a nice Asian woman online!

**Posted by Jupiter1** July 13, 2024 12:04 am

Wonderful that your children are doing well and of course you too Str8guy Divorce is as hard as it’s cracked up to be, right- where so many critical and stabilizing factors of life- family as we know it, financial security, mental health, housing, our children’s well being- are changing and may feel at risk. So much stress. Stay connected here and take some deep breathes my fellow mates on this journey.

**Posted by Str8guy** July 13, 2024 8:54 am

@all Thank you for the kind words.

@walkbymyself:
Separated about 5, divorced 4 (COVID slowed down the process).
From my experience and observation of others, thoughts of suicide are normal. In my case they were always lingering for the first several months before they started to relent. Maybe six months before they were infrequent. Hang in there, try to find time to do whatever it is you love to do (assuming it isn't bad for you)

@Lily - I love the climate and scenery of Southeast Asia. While there does seem to be an unending supply of woman and or scammers on the dating sites, they are not a factor here. I do acknowledge that legit relationships can exist in that space, but it isn't for me .

@MJM017: Don't be too hard on yourself about judging character. People evolve over time, often unpredictably. Focus on being your best self, and you'll achieve the best possible outcome. If you discover a foolproof method for guaranteeing successful future relationships, please share your secret!

**Posted by lily** July 14, 2024 4:31 am

oh ok, glad to hear it is not a girlfriend.

I have two friends I thought would be staying in Southeast Asia but they have both returned to Australia when they got older - the healthcare is pretty poor but I think underneath everything else, it's wanting to come home from a foreign land.

**Posted by Blackie563** July 14, 2024 10:12 pm

Str8 - Awesome. Absolutely awesome man! Very happy for you and it says alot that you keep coming back to support others. Bless you brother! Wishing you all the best