OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Update of my life

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 23, 2024 3:35 pm

It's been just over a year since I separated from the man I'd lived with for 38 years, moved cities to live with my son and his girlfriend and discovered while life could be good it can also be challenging.
The girlfriend was against me moving in, my son was adamant so at first it was....just okay, but it seemed to work. Then a few months ago my son, after 'taking too much of a drug' suffered a psychosis, with hallucinations, thought he'd been shot in the leg, trashed a few rooms in the house (holes in the wall, a tap ripped from the bench, pot plant smashed on the carpet) Police & ambo called, handcuffed, hospitalised. Phew!
I think this was the beginning of the end for my son's r'ship, and me living there simply adding to the gf's feeling she had no say, no control.
LOL....then my other son moved in! because his brother asked him to but which was another layer for the gf to begrudgingly accept. It's really been a slow train crash. We all know it's been coming and my older son who has a good job (functioning alcoholic) have decided we'll find somewhere for us 2 and see how it works. I've had my name on a rental site but everybody on there is "young, vibrant and chill" and it looks too exhausting for a 65 year old....lmao.....and it makes so much sense to live with family right?
As a last resort....the very last resort....is my former partner who told me when we talked that there was always a room with him (we're amicable) and I told him it would be me paying him rent, just like I do with my son.
It's a day-by-day dark cloud/slow-moving front. I love it where we are, lots of sun & space.....sigh

I feel like a lone jigsaw piece that doesn't fit anywhere.

Elle

**Posted by Anon 765** June 25, 2024 11:29 am

Hi Elle,
That is a lot to process all at once for you. It's not easy to live with family!

You offer such strong words of support here, I know you will be okay and find the path that is right for you, despite the bumps in the road.

There is an organization where I live that arranges home sharing for older single women. Maybe there's something like that where you live. Women with an empty house get matched with roommates who need a place to live.

You'll find the rest of your puzzle!

Anon 765

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 25, 2024 5:21 pm

Anon 765 wrote:
Hi Elle,
That is a lot to process all at once for you. It's not easy to live with family!

There is an organization where I live that arranges home sharing for older single women.

You'll find the rest of your puzzle!

Anon 765

Y'know 765.... living with my family is like a warm hug. If it ever got to be a cold hug or no hug at all I might look living with others.

A few weeks ago I actually enquired at Citizens Advice Bureau (I'm in New Zealand) about exactly that. Opportunities for accommodation for older people. But they knew of no help/website that existed.
LOL...I put myself on a website for rooms available but they're all too young and lgbtq friendly for my stance on living comfortably with others.

Sigh
E

**Posted by walkbymyself** June 27, 2024 8:42 am

I'm so sorry to hear this, Elle. You've been through so much.

**Posted by broomhilda2** September 27, 2024 5:30 pm

Ellexoh_nz wrote:
I've had my name on a rental site but everybody on there is "young, vibrant and chill" and it looks too exhausting for a 65 year old... I feel like a lone jigsaw piece that doesn't fit anywhere.

Sorry to hear about what you went through, Elle. Especially, after finally taking the leap to leave! I hope things have stabilized enough to breathe.

Is there senior housing in NZ? My bestie's mom had a horrible situation happen within the last 8 years (narc husband tried to shoot himself in the head & survived, lived in her car for a bit) and ended up reluctantly moving to senior housing. She LOVES it. I think she gets some sort of aid from her state and it's much more affordable than market value rentals. I know you're ok for now, but wanted to throw this idea out there just in case.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 27, 2024 5:47 pm

broomhilda2 wrote:
. Is there senior housing in NZ?

Yes there is but apart from the fact NZ is heading into an even deeper recession.. I believe I have enough $$$ in my savings that it would affect my ability to access gov. help. I'd much rather invest in a generational option with family. That's my goal.
A moves cities in 4 days and I have his apartment to myself for at least 3 months (at his expense) to think about/decide my next move

Elle

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 27, 2024 6:18 pm

walkbymyself wrote:
I'm so sorry to hear this, Elle. You've been through so much.

I have to move forward, I can't go back. No more cushioned existence with A. though I'm prepared to accept anything positive that comes from the little bit of guilt he feels.

Elle

**Posted by Anon 765** October 5, 2024 5:07 pm

Hi Elle,
Just catching up on some posts. Hope it all works out for the best for you and you wind up with some stability. I've appreciated reading your wisdom here.
Anon 765

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 5, 2024 6:35 pm

Anon 765 wrote:
Hi Elle,
Just catching up on some posts. Hope it all works out for the best for you and you wind up with some stability. I've appreciated reading your wisdom here.
Anon 765

Cheers Anon....I remember the feeling of security I had when life was good, and I had everything perfect. Honestly
I don't think I will ever get that back. And that's okay because I'm adaptable and I don't mind a more condensed lifestyle.
The marathon continues.....

E