Salgal1960 wrote:

I know what you mean.  I thought about forgiveness. a lot! First, I decided I could only feel compassion for him for being gay.  I don't believe anyone can CHOOSE their sexuality, and why would they when the world is against them? My ex is still in the closet, even after both of his parents died. He's so ashamed he can't admit it.  He's angry at me for admitting it for him, even when I presented him with his own black and white evidence! Just as your spouse didn't believe he was cheating, mine said he was only having sexual fantasies, that it wasn't real, so he didn't do anything. He didn't believe he is gay either. So, I think the ANGER we feel is what prevents forgiveness. I can't forgive MYSELF for being so blind and wasting my younger life on a lie! I'm mostly angry that he allowed us to have a child whose life should not have included this hardship on all of us! We can't tell him we forgive him, because as long as someone won't admit what the problem IS, you can't express your feelings about it! Regardless, forgiveness is for US,not for them. It's to relieve our own pain so that we can release them and let them go into our past never to return. 

Your story is simulilar to mine ...I feel so stupid for wasting 8 years and involving two children! He tells me he hasn't been gay for 10 years even though I discovered daily gay porn!