Hi everyone. 
I'm in my late 20s and my husband and I were together for 10 years (had just gotten married) when he told me he had a surprise for me at home. It was him dressed in women's clothes, tights, shoes and makeup. He told me he wanted to start presenting female some of the time. I sat down and started crying. I was shocked, sad and unsure of what this would mean for our relationship. It still hurts that it was sprung on me that way, as a surprise that I was supposed to be excited about. This had never been discussed or even hinted that this was a thing for him, and yet I was supposed to immediately be on board and discard my sexuality.
Pretty much all of my feelings were seen as selfish, superficial and unacceptable by him. I was made to feel like I was a terrible person for having a hard time with it and for telling him this is not what I'm attracted to. "It's just different clothes and some makeup" I was constantly told. "It's still me underneath so what's the difference?" Unfortunately I believed this for about a year and a half. I pushed my true feelings down, did "work" on myself to "be a better person" and accept my partner as he was. I was told that it really sucked that I couldn't "get over myself".
Then he told me he wants to transition fully and the only thing stopping him is he knows it would be too much for me so he won't, for my sake. Now that is weighing on my shoulders, like I'm holding him back from his true self or something. I continued to push these feelings down because I didn't know how to solve this and couldn't bear the thought of divorcing, but staying together was beginning to seem more and more impossible. 
This resulted in panic attacks while working, inability to sleep, nightmares, crying constantly but hiding it and putting on a brave face. My body was trying to tell me something...
I finally listened and went to a therapist. She specializes in LGBTQ issues. I told her that I needed to learn to accept this and that "I know I'm superficial and care way too much about outward appearances and that's why I'm here. I need to learn how to fix that." She said, "Fix your sexuality?"
That really put it into perspective for me...I had been told that for so long, that this is wrong for me to feel this way, to pull away when he is dressed as a woman and wants to touch me...I've been forcing myself to do things that I naturally feel uncomfortable with. 
I ended the relationship about a month and a half ago. I am devastated ...but also relieved. 
Now, I'm working through my grief and confusion and anger....
Before this happened I thought we were soul mates, that we could work through anything together. I was ready to be husband and wife for the rest of our lives, I was ready to be the best partner I could possibly be. And I was honest and in touch with who I am. He was not.
I need someone to talk to who has been here or is here now. You understand these feelings...no one else can fully get how it feels. Its so lonely. Please reach out to me if you would like to be friends and chat about our experiences...therapy, friends and family help but I need someone who knows firsthand.
~SE

Last edited by sophieemerald (May 7, 2024 7:10 pm)