OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Social Science Research on Infidelity and Divorce Rates Bisexuals

**Posted by Jay** January 22, 2024 2:35 pm

Hi All,

There is lots of anecdotal cases, but these are not a representation of the general population. Could anyone point me towards research studies on infidelity and divorce rates for bisexual women in relationships and marriage with men over the long term?

I am skeptical of the inevitability of divorce or infidelity or poor relationship satisfaction. Success in these areas must depend on many factors in most cases. The quality of the relationship overall and the individuals involved must be key pieces of the puzzle.

The doomsday scenerio of an otherwise happy couple breaking apart because of some long suppressed homosexual desires bursting out in mid life may not be the majority. I can't helping thinking there are other factors at play in these unhappy marriages.

I am looking for studies, from a variety of perspectives, on the topic. Are there any at all?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 23, 2024 2:06 pm

Jay wrote:
...........Could anyone point me towards research studies on infidelity and divorce rates for bisexual women in relationships and marriage with men over the long term?......

Is your google broken?

Elle

**Posted by M-Kate** January 23, 2024 3:45 pm

I'm interested in statistics as well. I look for information from Google a lot, but I don't really see comprehensive data. I think that I read somewhere that only 15% of MOM last for more than 5 years. It seems like the typical scenario is that the bi / gay spouse comes out to the straight spouse (or they get caught) and then they eventually want to open up the marriage or they want to leave the marriage.

Last edited by M-Kate (January 23, 2024 8:06 pm)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 24, 2024 1:57 am

M-Kate wrote:
.........I think that I read somewhere that only 15% of MOM last for more than 5 years....

I read an article a few years ago....so long ago I remember only one detail....that a r'ship where a spouse comes out one third of them end after 3 years.
3 years was the measure I used to determine whether or not to continue/try any more/give up on my own r'ship.

It turned out to be a good way to gauge it and gave me a "if it's not better by this date" point in time to work towards.

Elle

**Posted by lily** January 24, 2024 3:01 pm

My ex's idea of filling out the census form is to tell lies about everything.

No seriously, where are these figures going to come from?

It's hard enough to get reputable figures on any social science but the closet? it probably makes it even harder though I have to say there's a lot of lies being told about anything and everything wherever you are whatever time of day.

The last thing I went looking for information on was how to make a meringue and really I got a lot more good information than would have been possible before Google. But back then, when I had a big question on my mind and I asked google there was just the straight spouse network that looked in any way like a promising option.

I'd found this forum (now hidden in the belly of OurPath) where a woman answered my question - why do straight women marry gay men with the simple answer of because they didn't know. Oh. It was so helpful.

I've been on here for years now, and read a lot of posts, seeing all the eerie similarities in our individual stories has helped a lot.

Other than this forum, the most interesting thing I found was when I was googling about intersex. There was a list of the different types of intersex and an estimation of less than one percent of people having a difference at chromosomal level - ie not xx or xy - something different like xxy.

**Posted by CMaree23** January 26, 2024 1:10 pm

Hello Jay!
Unfortunately there just simply are no REPUTABLE studies out there. I personally have found after over 17 years in spaces such as this.. that the happy, successful, "normal" couples living in mixed orientation relationships are simply just doing it quietly. As if it is no big deal. Often they are confused about why it is such a big deal and why groups like this are needed.... so the data is very skewed. People find themselves in these spaces because they are struggling. That makes it feel like ALL mixed orientation relationships must be struggling or on the brink of failure but it simply is not true. We are just seeing into a very specific window here. I do want to let you know there are positive spaces out there with many couples who are striving to make it work.

You hit the nail on the head right here..

"Success in these areas must depend on many factors in most cases. The quality of the relationship overall and the individuals involved must be key pieces of the puzzle. "

**Posted by JohnWithAnH** July 16, 2024 5:36 am

CMaree do you know of any other positive leaning sites around MOR? This is new to me, and I want to do my best to do right both by my newly lesbian wife and myself and our family. To me that starts with therapy and research to develop some strategies and mechanisms to find a path that we can be mutually happy with. I'm googling but if you know of any offhand that would be awesome.

TIA

**Posted by lily** July 16, 2024 5:11 pm

Hi John, also Scott who posted his story before you.

It's ages ago now for me and I'm still not entirely sure which shocked me more - that he had been lying to me about his sexuality or that he had been manipulating me.

So my suggestion is that before doing any searching for ways to make it work (let your wives do that) you take a step back. In the light of this new information, take a fresh look at her.

wishing you all the best, it is a tough place to find yourself in. Lily

Last edited by lily (July 16, 2024 5:12 pm)

**Posted by Alex1984** July 16, 2024 5:12 pm

Hi John, sorry you are on this forum... tough times!

There's a Facebook group that CMaree leads (just search for "mixed orientation marriage", and I also found this site helpful:
http://www.mixedorientation.com/
It mostly focuses on bisexual experience, but there are plenty of couples where one partner is gay and they make it work.

Most of those examples are religious families, but even if you are not religious, it can be helpful to look at their experiences.

**Posted by Ordinary guy** July 19, 2024 8:55 am

It depends very much on whether there is value in the relationship from the gay partners point of view. Questions regarding their sexual identities tend to crop up when they have completed their overriding objectives. They may feel that there is nothing left to hold them back from fully realising what they want from life rather than considering what they needed at the time. I doubt that many of the relationships, particularly marriages, are recorded as ending due to one of the partners coming out as something other than straight. I believe that all MOMs start out with the correct intentions. This will have to be something that both parties agree to, to protect the aspects of the relationship that they value. There is also a significant difference in the way that the different sexes approach MOMs. It is far harder for a woman to respect a man who is having sexual relations with other men than it is for a man to respect a woman who is having sex with another woman. Ultimately, individual personalities and honesty are the life blood of all MOMs. This and whether both parties are getting satisfaction from the relationship. Relationships should not take work. They are not something you should have to consciously work on. They should be mutually compatible to the point where they can be simply enjoyed. It should feel like home. If it doesn’t, it will only become a permanent stress.