OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / My Biggest Fear in All of This (aka The Thing That Holds Me Back)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 13, 2024 11:58 am

Ellexoh_nz wrote:
My biggest fear? ....The Unknown

Second biggest fear...that I won't have the courage to face the unknown

I wrote the above six and a half years ago. I found the courage. I faced it. It hasn't been a year since we separated and I'm proud of myself for leaving but fear of the unknown has been replaced with the fear of never quite belonging anywhere in this world
It is good to look back and see how far I've come.

E

**Posted by ellierigg** January 13, 2024 12:45 pm

Ellexon,
how beautiful!
About your newest fear… i sometimes think- I am all alone. I have no kids (my choice, will never regret it), no partner. I love my sibling but we are so different. Sibling has kids I adore but I see them twice a year.
But then I remember, and this is truly how I feel, that I am a part of everyone, just like they are a part of me. Also lately I realized how being a part of a couple made me feel more “normal”. What bullshit is that?? So when i feel like a freak for not being a part of couple, I say to myself: you are alone- so what?
And this feeling is starting to take over. So what?? This is the life I got. Better enjoy whatever I can enjoy then worry about things I can’t change.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 13, 2024 1:12 pm

ellierigg wrote:
This is the life I got. Better enjoy whatever I can enjoy then worry about things I can’t change.

That's it exactly Ellie 😁 but it's not so much the 'couple dynamic' I miss but the privilege and opportunity it gave me, and that basically came down to money, his money. A. always said "it's our money" but now we're separated I realise it's not. We each get half but he keeps on working.
So I've had to adjust what I do, where I go, the money I spend.

It's a challenge but it's there in front of me and I can do it

E

**Posted by MarieSmith** January 13, 2024 1:24 pm

ellierigg wrote:
Bumping this because it is a great topic and it might help new people coming in here.

Thank you so much for bumping this topic!

**Posted by ellierigg** January 23, 2024 6:52 am

MarieSmith wrote:
ellierigg wrote:
Bumping this because it is a great topic and it might help new people coming in here.
Thank you so much for bumping this topic!

Hey! Yeah, this was a great thread for me to read too, so I thought I should bump it. Hope you are doing well.