OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / How long to move on after separation

**Posted by Tiggerslife** December 13, 2023 1:42 am

My STBGXHID left 4 months ago when I confronted him with evidence. We were married 35 years and he admitted to cheating on me our whole marriage. He is a pathological liar, twice a day meth addict and sex addict. I had discovered the depth of his attraction to men when I found his sniffles account, which he was on daily. I had no idea. Basically he was leading a second life I didn’t know existed and mostly hid it by “traveling” for work or going out in the middle of the night when I was sleeping. He claims he only sleeps with men because it is part of the meth culture. He fails to see that he has it backwards and meth is part of the gay culture.

I am entering a stage where I am starting to separate myself from him. Like I’m feeling who I am on my own. It has been a long four months. This week I took four days off work and haven’t done much but think and put things in order. Next month our divorce will be final. I still cry almost daily, although it is for small, short, outbursts now. The reason for crying is mostly around money worries, as I am now one income instead of two, and frustration about what he has done to our family.

I don’t want to dwell on this forever, I want to heal and move on. After having the last 15 years be horrible on the intimacy side, I’m hoping to find someone that will treat me with the support, understanding, appreciation, companionship, and desire, that I have been craving for so long.

How long has it taken everyone to move on? I’ve heard and read some pretty bad horror stories. I don’t want to move on before I’m ready because I don’t want to move from one mistake to another. But I don’t want to be trapped in this cycle either. Honestly, it isn’t much fun.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 13, 2023 2:56 am

Tiggerslife wrote:
. ....How long has it taken everyone to move on? I’ve heard and read some pretty bad horror stories. I don’t want to move on before I’m ready because I don’t want to move from one mistake to another. But I don’t want to be trapped in this cycle either. Honestly, it isn’t much fun.

Hi Tigger 😊 we're all so different. This forum is like a box of chocolates lol

As for me, because of my family situation..I don't think I'll ever move on because I've had time to emotionally disengage from my 38 year r'ship and at the moment anyway my former partner and I are still civil towards each other. Can talk, can laugh, can socialise.
I'm 65, I feel like my future has been whipped from under me and taken away but I've learned to take one day at a time and that I don't have to look too far into the future.
We separated 11 months ago and going through dividing (legally) everything we owned together. There were never problems with addiction etc. If I'm honest...we sound rather bland and uninteresting, it all seems to be too easy when I read some of the stories here.

Elle

**Posted by Tiggerslife** December 13, 2023 1:23 pm

Hi Elle… Thank you for replying.
I get the feeling of feeling like your future has been whipped from under you. It’s almost like I am out of time and I’m desperate to make sense of it all. I too live one day at a time and work at staying positive. Hopefully I’ll be able to establish a routine once the divorce is complete.
This isn’t an easy process for any of us. Hugs to you and I hope things continue to go well.

Tigger

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 13, 2023 1:54 pm

Tiggerslife wrote:
..... It’s almost like I am out of time and I’m desperate to make sense of it all. ....

Yes...yes! That's how I feel too. I was lying in bed this morning, in my small bedroom in my son's house, thinking that it's not just my life that's fucked but that the whole world is fractured. Covid.....the Rainbow-world-takeover .....wokeness....identity wars. And then there are real wars with death and destruction...children, families forever broken.
I can still walk in the sunshine, not hungry and with a roof over my head. I may feel like a fish out of water but I just have to find my own pool of belonging..

Do you have people around you, close to you who you can talk/turn to Tigger?

E

**Posted by Rob** December 13, 2023 9:18 pm

Tigger,

One could say I've moved on as its been years since my divorce. I would say I've 98-99% moved on...it took me years for the fear and trauma to subside...to where I feel safe. Maybe 90% as I'm minimal contact with my GX but she could probably still call and rage at me and make me shake if she wanted to . Still my life would be what most would consider "moved on".

I noticed when gojng through TGT how normal other people were compared to my GX... like even the grocery store clerk had more morals than my GX. I think over time when around normal people the fear and trauma subside and you can start to feel safe and normal. No hard and fast rules or timeline.

Congrats on getting away from your broken husband... we love them but they hurt us. All we can do is get far away...

**Posted by Tiggerslife** December 14, 2023 2:00 am

Ellie… I have a few family members who know everything. Since he is in the closet, and will probably always be so, I needed a few who I could vent to.

**Posted by Tiggerslife** December 16, 2023 8:32 am

Rob wrote:
Tigger,

Congrats on getting away from your broken husband... we love them but they hurt us. All we can do is get far away...

Thanks Rob, I agree with you.