OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Did you ever feel appreciated as a straight spouse?

**Posted by Josephine** November 5, 2023 10:32 am

As I am disecting our relationship I have realized that even though my husband claimed he valued what I brought to our relationship he didn't. The more I think about our interactions I realize he actually despised my femininity! He made fun of the movies I wanted to watch. He quite often would not do the things that I wanted to. I think most straight husbands would go to events that their wife wanted to go to . Most men would want to please their spouse, just as most women would want to please their husbands. The most hurtful example of this, for me, was that when we got engaged we could only afford a small diamond for the engagement ring. I am not materialistic but we had agreed that when we had enough money we would upgrade the diamond. Fast forward a few years and now I am put down for wanting a nicer ring! I never got an upgrade and wondered if it was because he was to focused on his own needs. The answer to this is yes because he never spared any expense satisfying his desires! Why was he so selfish?

**Posted by LonelyDude** November 5, 2023 11:11 am

Josephine -
This hurts. He never appreciated your womanhood, your femininity. You are right, straight husbands make sacrifices to keep their wives happy, just as straight wives do for their husbands. It is a beautiful thing when it works right. When it doesn't work right, as in the case of mixed-orientation marriages, the unmet needs of both partners fosters an environment of conflict, each fighting for themselves.

In my own case, the only times I ever felt appreciation from my GID wife were those times that somebody else complimented me first, and she had to agree to maintain the charade. The reality is that she either didn't even notice, or was not impressed by, that thing I did or quality I have that other people compliment.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** November 5, 2023 1:08 pm

Often I felt appreciated within sexual times.... with his liking of BDSM, then during the 4 year open r'ship. In hindsight this all had less to do with me and most to do with his own needs.

I worked beside this man in any business we had and thought we were a team. Looking back I see all the appreciation was me seeing our r'ship as a perfect example of two people who were made for each other,
and me believing he recognised my part in all we did.

Very bittersweet but all the better for finally seeing it, coming to terms with my own fallibility and putting it all behind me

Elle

**Posted by Josephine** November 5, 2023 1:27 pm

LonelyDude and Ellexh- nz, there was never a feeling of being a team! Never feeling like we were working together! I hope we can all move on and find that in another relationship!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** November 5, 2023 10:02 pm

Josephine wrote:
LonelyDude and Ellexh- nz, there was never a feeling of being a team! Never feeling like we were working together! I hope we can all move on and find that in another relationship!

Oh I've definitely moved on....but I'm not interested in another r'ship. Ever

E

**Posted by walkbymyself** November 7, 2023 3:22 pm

Ellexoh, that's my reaction, too.