OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / To all the emasculated men with lesbian/bi partners

**Posted by LonelyDude** November 2, 2023 3:04 pm

A note of support to all the straight men who were unwitting partners to a closeted lesbian or bisexual lady:

All this time, she rejected your masculinity.
All this time, she made you feel guilty for your manhood.
All this time, she caused you to question your own values of what it means to be a Man.

All this time, she was feminizing you. Manipulating you into the lesbian partner that she wanted. Creating a reality in which you were a woman in the wrong body and shaming you for it.

She was trying to bring you closer to the level that she is attracted to, while also robbing you of the natural male gifts that you were born with. The gifts that this world needs and has always needed.

I challenge you to ask yourself: what does masculinity mean to me? What does the world need that I, as a Man, must provide?

Now, you must regain your masculinity.
Now, you must feel pride in your manhood.
Now, you must identify your own virtues, the qualities you value in being a Man.

Go forth and be Manly.

Last edited by LonelyDude (November 2, 2023 3:13 pm)

**Posted by Josephine** November 2, 2023 4:30 pm

Lonelydude,
Beautifully written! I feel this also applies to Women who were married to gay men.

**Posted by lily** November 3, 2023 10:24 am

yes, well said Josephine. Men get so trashed by their lesbian wives and women are similarly trashed by their gay husbands. Lonelydude has captured the essence of that trashing - the assault on your man/womanhood.

It was like being hen-pecked by a chicken hopped up on testosterone - brutal over time. And I have witnessed straight husband being shredded like his chest was a scratching post.

My response as the straight spouse was a stoic loyalty. If he had been anybody else I would have moved away quick enough, but it was my partner, I just stood there and took it.

**Posted by Blue Bear** November 7, 2023 4:26 pm

My ex-wife read me a laundry list of my "faults" after I discovered her gay affair. I eventually told her that my only fault was that I wasn't the lesbian she never had the courage to tell me she needed. I never heard her complain about my "faults" again.

**Posted by LonelyDude** November 7, 2023 9:16 pm

Blue Bear wrote:
My ex-wife read me a laundry list of my "faults" after I discovered her gay affair. I eventually told her that my only fault was that I wasn't the lesbian she never had the courage to tell me she needed. I never heard her complain about my "faults" again.

I get that list of faults about once a year, and she is still in denial. Still looking forward to that first counselor appointment she tells me she is working on (4 months after I asked her).

Knowledge replaces fear. This site builds knowledge. Learn and love this site even when it hurts, because it replaces fear. Thank you to all the contributors.

**Posted by magellaniccloud** November 16, 2023 3:08 pm

Blue Bear wrote:
My ex-wife read me a laundry list of my "faults" after I discovered her gay affair. I eventually told her that my only fault was that I wasn't the lesbian she never had the courage to tell me she needed. I never heard her complain about my "faults" again.

The gas lighting is real. The CHOICE they made to have an affair was no one's fault but hers. She could've addressed the laundry list individually when they are being done/presented but no, she used the list to fuel her shameful and selfish act to cheat.

**Posted by Blue Bear** November 18, 2023 5:56 pm

LonelyDude wrote:
Blue Bear wrote:
My ex-wife read me a laundry list of my "faults" after I discovered her gay affair. I eventually told her that my only fault was that I wasn't the lesbian she never had the courage to tell me she needed. I never heard her complain about my "faults" again.
I get that list of faults about once a year, and she is still in denial. Still looking forward to that first counselor appointment she tells me she is working on (4 months after I asked her).

Knowledge replaces fear. This site builds knowledge. Learn and love this site even when it hurts, because it replaces fear. Thank you to all the contributors.

So it sounds like you already know what you need to know. What are you going to do with that knowledge?

**Posted by lily** November 19, 2023 12:06 am

I think the thing is nothing is static, if you can look back and see it was nicer with your spouse when you first got together then you can look forward and guess it will get worse - in my experience yes it does, I am so grateful I was in a position to divorce but it is poignant and dismaying to witness what is happening in these marriages in my generation now we are getting old.