OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Just Need A Pick Me Up

**Posted by Anon2222** October 28, 2023 4:27 pm

I have been having an insanely terrible last couple months health wise.

It all started with a broken jaw a couple months ago. It's been an insane saga of trying to get it repaired, as it got massively infected. Finally thought things were on the right track, and then I found out I'm allergic to titanium....as my body basically rejected the titanium implant they placed in my jaw...

Long story short, the entire thing was just a huge mess. I told my GX that I had to take a step back from the divorce crap due to health. And I would notify him when I was ready to resume (we're at the "negotiating" point).

Had surgery #7 on Monday. Mouth full of stitches. Feeling lousy as hell trying to work all week....then sort of slump over at work. And, surprise, I have covid!

What does the man I was married to 20 years do....after I ended up needing medical attention because I just had to catch fricking covid, now, of all times....he sends me a nasty letter from his lawyer accusing me of purposely delaying the divorce. After I kept him in the loop this entire time.

So, here I am coughing so hard I'm throwing up, with a mouthful of stitches, I can barely get up the couple stairs in the house, and everywhere I go I'm just leaving an outline of my sweat....and I have to arrange with my lawyer to send back "proof" I'm sick.

Like, thanks douchebag, it's not like you haven't already made this as crappy as possible....you can't let me half die in peace?????

He sent me an email, to which I replied I have covid and the lawyer would send what he requested. All I got was an "ok". Married for 20 years....and not even an "are you ok".

Are they the devil?

Even with how awful he has treated me...I still couldn't just let him die if he was in some sort of medical state. I would at least make sure he was ok/had support. But, I feel like this is a human response? Like, even a stranger I'm not going to just watch them suffer....

Anyone else go through this recent strain? Ironically I worked direct patient care during the pandemic and didn't catch it. Then I decide to leave because I was burnt out....and here we go...

**Posted by LonelyDude** October 28, 2023 7:47 pm

Wow. That's quite the string of unfortunate events. I'm sorry that so many negative things are stacking up on you at the same time. I hope your GX comes to a place of tenderness and is able to work with you a little. I hope you get well soon.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 28, 2023 8:13 pm

Covid? Damn! You have enough on your plate!
Have you thought it might be less distressing for you if you had all your communication with 'that man' through your lawyer? I reckon it might be.

At the moment A and I are civil, even friendly, but I'm keeping everything at arms length even though he seems to want to 'repair' us.
In fact I've decided where as I thought I had to have a discussion with A about spousal support...I actually don't because it's my decision to not ask for it, to not need it

❤️🤗 for you Anon

Elle

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (October 28, 2023 8:14 pm)

**Posted by Anon2222** October 28, 2023 9:54 pm

If nothing else, at least there's no "asking" for support here. You are legally entitled to it and the court sets the amount. Which is the way it should be in my opinion. Statistics clearly show that a woman's quality of life significantly deteriorates after a divorce, whereas a mans significantly improves. After all the sacrifices I made for the marriage and everything I did for him to get ahead in his career (and the extra hours worked when he was out of work), he can pay me what he is legally entitled too and I don't feel an ounce of guilt about it.

I would love to be no contact, but his antics have already cost me a fortune in lawyers fees. All I want to do is get out of this without going bankrupt. It's difficult when he has all the money and none of the responsibility. I just have to keep smiling and kissing butt until the papers are signed and then I am blocking him on absolutely everything and doing my best to forget he ever existed. And never getting married again.

LonelyDude - he has already proven he could care less about me. At this point I'm assuming he would find it easier if I just died and was out of his hair.

Does this mean I just have to kick covid's ass now so I can stick it to him?? *snorts with laughter*

**Posted by Anon2222** October 28, 2023 9:55 pm

Elle - it seems divorce is a very different process depending where you are in the world. How does it work in New Zealand?

Here - spousal support is legally set, as I was saying. But it's everything outside of that that then turns into a blood bath.

**Posted by Anon2222** October 29, 2023 10:59 am

Just to add my empowering moment to all of this....I made my decision! I am not staying in this house. I am going to go and buy myself something that I want/like and leave this toadstool behind! It's not super practical, it's going to be a royal pain to move....but I am doing it all for myself to get a fresh start

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 29, 2023 12:17 pm

Anon2222 wrote:
Elle - it seems divorce is a very different process depending where you are in the world. How does it work in New Zealand?

Here - spousal support is legally set, as I was saying. But it's everything outside of that that then turns into a blood bath.

In NZ there's a lot of to'ing and fro'ing so lawyers get all the information they can to make a fair and equal split and I can see that's been done but there's still this expectation that I need ongoing support
...when it was me who walked out. Me who decided to end the r'ship.

I don't want to ask him for anything. Or expect anything from him. We're being super civil.
It's a weird situation.

E

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 29, 2023 12:23 pm

Anon2222 wrote:
Just to add my empowering moment to all of this....I made my decision! I am not staying in this house. I am going to go and buy myself something that I want/like and leave this toadstool behind! It's not super practical, it's going to be a royal pain to move....but I am doing it all for myself to get a fresh start

Great decision! I wish you strength and perseverance through it all 🤗

E