OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / husband just came out as trans

**Posted by zinniagirl** October 2, 2023 6:08 pm

Hi there! I've never posted on a forum so this is all new to me, but so is much of my life right now. My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years and he has just come out to me as trans. He has been cross-dressing for months but I thought it was just him having fun. When I look back on the last 2 years however, I can see what was inside him all along. My first reaction has been grief, sadness. Then more recently, I have felt anger. Anger that I married a man and that's not what my future holds now. I admire women's beauty, but I am not attracted to women. I feel so out of control and alone in this. I'm really just looking to connect with a population that I know so little about and to hear other's stories and struggles so I don't feel so alone. Thank you everyone in advance for your time.

**Posted by Daryl** October 2, 2023 7:34 pm

Hi Zinnia, not my situation but I found some resources another former member offered many times to others. Your reactions and feelings are understandable. I don't think you are alone here so keep checking in. In the meantime, I hope some of this is helpful for you.

https://www.transwidowsvoices.org/our-voices

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/3668898-trans-widows-escape-committee-3-rise-of-the-trans-widows

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 2, 2023 7:35 pm

Zinnia 🤗 welcome to our Forum.

I'm sitting in a bus stop on my way home but wanting to say hi, and I'll continue this in a couple of hours.
You're in the right place

Elle

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 2, 2023 8:42 pm

Ellexoh_nz wrote:
....I'm sitting in a bus stop on my way home but wanting to say hi, and I'll continue this in a couple of hours.....Elle

I'm home Firstly have you talked to anybody? (besides your husband) Because a kind, listening, non-judgemental ear of a friend, family member or counsellor who you know will keep your confidence is what you need so you can get the words and your thoughts out and make them real.
The grief, sadness and anger are all par for the course. And actually you'll need to feel all of these as you get your headspace and your emotions in the right place to make the best decisions about what you want to do and how you want to tackle this monumental shift in your r'ship.

We are here for you

Elle

**Posted by zinniagirl** October 3, 2023 6:51 am

Thank you Daryl and Elle for your quick responses. I do have a therapist I've talked to once about this but plan to again. I spent our last session doing only that and after found some of my truth in this. I appreciate the input and am definitely working to get my headspace and emotions in the right place. I will reach back out again. Thanks for being there when I needed it!

zinnia