Tara wrote:
I wish he’d come out and embrace who he is instead of pretending to be straight. I’m sure he’s got another beard picked out and I pity her.
I hear you. My ex-wife insists she's straight even though (a) she had an affair with a woman, (b) admitted to me that she knew about her same-sex attraction before we had even met even though, whoopsie, she forgot to tell me about that detail, (c) divorced me and then married her affair partner, and (d) created a not-working-too-well blended family with her wife and wife's kids.
Three pieces of advice:
1. My therapist recommended focusing on actions instead of words because my ex-wife's actions would always be more truthful. As a big, obvious example, should I trust the wedding vows she said, or should I instead trust what her actions described above were telling me?
2. Trying to untangle my ex-wife's sexuality and making sense of the confusing labels she threw on herself was a waste of time. The only label that matters is "not straight" (i.e., not what I signed up for).
3. You've got too much to offer yourself, your kids, your family and someone who truly deserves you. Playing the pointless, unwinnable game of trying to make sense of anything they say or do is a waste. So if you haven't already, get the heck out of there and focus on you instead. He deserves zero of your headspace.
