OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / my story so far

**Posted by thefuture** August 3, 2023 7:40 pm

lily wrote:
Do you really believe she is attracted to women on that level and yet is also attracted to you?

It really feels to me like this is a recent change from attracted to me and casually attracted to women to very attracted to women and barely attracted to me

Last edited by thefuture (August 3, 2023 7:41 pm)

**Posted by lily** August 3, 2023 8:04 pm

could this be because she has fallen in love with a woman do you think?

**Posted by thefuture** August 3, 2023 8:08 pm

lily wrote:
could this be because she has fallen in love with a woman do you think?

After months of pondering that question I can only say that I don’t believe she is intimate with a woman and if she fell in love it is from afar, so to speak. Again who knows, but that’s what I believe upon reflection and evidence I have.

**Posted by vppn** August 3, 2023 11:20 pm

thefuture wrote:
…She still telling me she loves me…

I heard the same thing from my ex wife. She never stopped saying “I love you”. I came to the conclusion that we used the word love in different ways. I don’t think she was ever attracted or interested romantically in me. I think she did try very hard to love me in a romantic way. We had the picture perfect family, house, life, etc. But she loved me as a best friend. Only 2 years after separation I stopped using this word with her because in hindsight I starting seeing this as manipulation. She wasn’t lying, but she used this word as a cover.

**Posted by TKU** August 4, 2023 6:42 pm

Hi there “thefuture”.

I’m with you with all the questions that would appear on your mind during the whole process.

The inevitable question is “trust”. Like how well you know each other, how confident you can be about what she’s thinking. Words doesn’t have meanings at this point, but actions and even “looks” have.

If you have serious doubts, about her, about what she’s been telling you, all I can recommend for you is to stand where you are with all you have. Things will have an end or a beginning after that.

Whatever happens, please remind yourself that things will come to a kind of end or a beginning, and being stuck in the hustle will never help. I strongly recommend you to find an eventuality as soon as possible. Because what hurts us all is the suspicion.

**Posted by thefuture** August 4, 2023 6:51 pm

TKU wrote:
The inevitable question is “trust”. Like how well you know each other, how confident you can be about what she’s thinking. Words doesn’t have meanings at this point, but actions and even “looks” have.

If you have serious doubts, about her, about what she’s been telling you, all I can recommend for you is to stand where you are with all you have.

Hi TKU, and thanks. The one thing that I hold onto, and with good reason I believe, is trust in my wife. I believe that she brought this issue to me in as sincere of a way as possible, before taking any actions to explore her new orientation. I am sure that she has hid and misled me with some of it, but I trust that she remains faithful to me.

In fact, I feel like one of our biggest problems is her labeling herself “gay” so automatically. She has never been with a woman (except small stuff in high school) and I believe her when she says that she’s always been attracted to me (although very recently she’s feeling less so). It basically makes sense to me that she would desire the experience of a woman since she has always identified as bisexual. But calling herself gay Carries a lot of weight and expectations and if I am being realistic I don’t think she is going to give up that word, whatever the truth is.

**Posted by thefuture** August 4, 2023 6:54 pm

TKU wrote:
… all I can recommend for you is to stand where you are with all you have. Things will have an end or a beginning after that.

I strongly recommend you to find an eventuality as soon as possible. Because what hurts us all is the suspicion.

These are very helpful words that line up with my highest goals. I feel like I am struggling not to get used in this process and I keep thinking both of these things are my way to stand up for myself without causing unnecessary drama. Thanks!

**Posted by TKU** August 4, 2023 7:10 pm

A “wife” or a “husband” means a lot to me. Seriously. A “spouse” should be the person that you can entrust your life to. At this point, if you have doubts, I think you should confront her about your feelings.

If you’re sure of your own feelings, if you’re not questioning yourself, you should make it clear what you expect from her.

Confrontation is frightening, but it’s a relatively easy way to reach certainty, which is what we’re searching for after all.

**Posted by Blue Bear** August 8, 2023 12:40 pm

I'm going to make a few observations.

You are a straight dude, and you deserve a wife who loves you for being a straight dude and wants you exclusively. What you've got is a woman who appears more attracted to women (if not exclusively to women) and wants to cheat on you and has no problem telling you that. In the process, she's ripping you apart with doubt. Perhaps since you are done having kids, she's feeling like she can't keep up the charade any more.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but this limbo phase was absolute hell for me. I regret that I didn't head for the Exit Door sooner because my life after being married to a lesbian has been so, so much better.

**Posted by Rob** August 8, 2023 6:32 pm

I concur with BlueBear word for word. The stress and anxiety was deliberately to me. I needed medication to stop shaking with worry. All caused by someone who said they loved me. y

My life now does not require medication.