OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Felling bitter over money

**Posted by Bella32658** July 20, 2023 9:44 am

I am feeling angry and bitter over alimony. It seems to be something not discussed very much. I've been married for 18 years. So in my state I'm only entitled to 9 years of alimony. I sacrificed my career for his, he makes twice what I do. I'll never catch up. In another 2 years I would be entitled to open alimony, as in until he retires. My kids won't even be grown in 9 years. Still in school. I miss out on a life time of his money because he decided the secret he choose to keep from me, he can't keep anymore. He told me he always knew, he just chose to ignore it. It just seems so unfair. It makes a huge difference to my life.

**Posted by Rob** July 20, 2023 11:24 am

Bella,

I hope in 9 years , where you are, the money from him is not needed and not worth any contact with him be it 1 dollar or a million dollars. Definitely battle now for majority custody now and thus more child support as he doesn't sound like someone who really cares about the kids.. Make sure you specify explicitly in the settlement what he is still responsible for ..ie their education expenses, medical etc.

Maybe he thinks you dont deserve "a lifetime of money" but your kids do.. If I didnt put in my agreement what my GX needs to provide for her own kids I feel she would simply give any money ..hers, mine, the kids to her girlfriend. You cannot tell me however good of a father/parent they are that they are thinking about anything but their new gay life.. their is just no way they are thinking about Johnny's college fund. Even if you or your lawyer cant protect yourself as much as you hope protect the kids with a fierceness that confounds and shocks.

**Posted by Blackie563** July 20, 2023 7:47 pm

Spot on. I am in the courts now. I always will cover my kids, but do not feel I should have to pay for my gay ex wifes girlfriends and her girlfriends kids, trips, etc. Thats exactly where the money is going. Its completely wrong.

For your case, since your gay ex is the cause, he should pay. He entered into the union in bad faith. In my case I earn more, which is why she put her hooks in me. She basically gets to dip out on everything and is trying to take a lifetime of my earnings with her to fund her new lifestyle. I'll spend every penny in court before I just hand it over...

**Posted by walkbymyself** July 21, 2023 12:27 pm

It doesn't matter what's right and wrong, when you're in court. The judge will either follow the law or bend the law based on their own bias.

**Posted by Anon 765** July 21, 2023 4:59 pm

Bella, the money question is so hard. I think it always hurts, because it represents so much - basic survival, really.

I'm sorry this is happening, and I hope the courts or your lawyer can help you get a fair settlement.

Anon 765

**Posted by Anon2222** July 22, 2023 9:30 pm

The money thing sucks. I made a lot of sacrifices career wise for the marriage. I also supported him every step of the way while he built his career. Money from my family went into the marriage (ie: bought our house). The moment he got an amazing permanent job....he dumps me. He now easily earns double what I do and the sky is the limit with income potential. My income is pretty much capped as I'm at the top end of my potential and where I can go (and I also work in a much less lucrative field).

I am also limited by health issues and my benefits suck. So my expenses are gonna be way higher than his. So, I lose my lifestyle and everything else....while he is gonna be rolling in the money. Just another fun thing about all of this.

**Posted by M-Kate** July 29, 2023 2:38 pm

Money is a concern for me as well. We've been married 29 years and I know that splitting up would hurt me more than my husband financially.