OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / My wife had an affair with another woman

**Posted by Homeisintheheart** June 23, 2023 2:18 pm

Hello everybody,
my wife and I have been married for 4 years and together for over 7 now. We just had a daughter 15 months ago. three months ago, my wife confessed that she has been having an affair with her best friend. My wife started working as a part time server in the evenings a few months after giving birth because we couldn't quite get by on my salary alone (we live in Los Angeles. Shit's expensive!). While working at the restaurant, she became really good friends with another server.

Anyways, her friend started coming over all the time. She is openly lesbian. She would rub up against my wife and give her little lap dances in front of me. She always played it off like a joke and it never bothered me because I trusted my wife and didn't know that my wife is bisexual or lesbian or whatever she is. They had sex on my bed. One time they asked me if I wanted a handjob with her friend watching. I agreed, but even in the moment I felt uncomfortable, which is on me, however, I never would have agreed if I would have known they were having sex. They said they did it to "include" me.

My wife doesn't make enough money to move out, so she is still living with me until she figures out what she is going to do and until she has enough money. We have a 15 month old daughter. I have no idea why she would do this right now. Even if she was sexually repressed, I would think doing this when our daughter is older would make more sense (still not condonable).

I am heartbroken and I can't even heal because I see her all the time.

**Posted by Daryl** June 23, 2023 6:43 pm

Sorry to read what you are going through. I'm sure this was not where you thought your life arc was going. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this. Do take care of yourself.

**Posted by Rob** June 23, 2023 8:05 pm

Home,

Definitely read the first aid thread. This is all her and not you.

I think you need to tell your wife point blank you don't want the girlfriend in your home. If she brings her there I would make sure you make them both feel very uncomfortable. You need a safe place where you are not hurt.

Sadly your wife seems to have no problem hurting you or, I feel, your child by hurting you ..so need to decide what you want. If you decide you want to separate ..its not necessary your problem where she lives...do not make all solutions your problem to solve.

Wishing you strength, courage and self love.

**Posted by Homeisintheheart** June 23, 2023 9:25 pm

Thank you Rob and Daryl both for your kind words. I will check out the first aid thread right now. My wife had absolutely no consideration to me about seeing her girlfriend. Sense she told me about the affair, she has been willing to leave whenever she wants to spend the night with her girlfriend. I am lucky that she has not brought her here (at least while I am at home) since she told me about the affair.

I found a lot of fulfillment in taking care of my wife so it is my inclination to try to solve her problems, even still. I do want to separate and I think she needs to learn how to face the consequences of her actions so, I can't help her out anymore.