OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Two Years Too Much

**Posted by chelhell** March 18, 2023 2:35 pm

I kicked my husband out for the second time today. I found text messages between himself and a 70-year old female Walmart employee somewhere in the midwest that he called "mommy", messages with a gay guy who he called "daddy" and messages to a german girl of a sexual nature too. This entire time he was using me as a cover for his closet-homosexuality, mommy fetish shame, bdsm kinks, etc. He was never honest with me or disclosed any of this to me.I am just glad that I finally know the truth. Still though, I'm in a rough spot. I have 2000 EUROS to my name and I don't know where to go.My plans are to pack my belongings in the next few weeks, wait for my passport to be renewed and buy a plane ticket somewhere and try to start my life over again.I was shaking and crying and in total shock today. Some of the things he wrote were so vicious and cruel about how he is sick of women and how he felt used. All lies. He is truly a sick sociopath. He did give me some good memories...but it's all over now.I need to figure a way out of Germany now. I want to move back to Madrid.

**Posted by chelhell** April 22, 2023 3:18 am

I received some text messages from my ex's "girl" yesterday. I'm assuming it's the 70-year old female age play partner from Fortworth Texas or her friend because I received messages from two different phone numbers. She wrote, "You seem like a pretty immature I’ll mannered young upstart." and the other one wrote: "If he's gay like u said he is how did u become his wife??? Are u the female in the relationship (but actually a man)?" and "Lmao ur scared." I tried to be nice, I tried to warn the people I caught him texting to...but his gay lover in Singapore wrote "go away" and the girl in German wrote "Let me him peace have nothing to do with your quarrel. I know him he was never so where I had contact with him sorry". I admit I shouldn't have contacted any of them, but, I'm still searching for the truth and what the hell happened you know? My ex has never admitted anything, I had to find out by reading his messages instead. People are so stupid.

**Posted by Blackie563** April 22, 2023 9:35 am

While every situation is different, you may need to come to the realization that you will never know the actual truth. Any closure you are seeking needs to come in the form of: the disrespect you've faced, the emotional manipulation, the lying, thats all the closure you need. Most of these folks I have read about (and my own situation) these folks lie like we breath. They can't help it, they are too selfish to think about anyone else and lying keeps the story going. Mine ex wife initially did not tell anyone about her new gf, but realizing that she would gain sympathy by saying that, she started telling people. The problem? She still searches for and sleeps with men. (as far as her online profile under a different name states).

It's hard, but close that door. The faster you walk away the sooner you can begin healing

**Posted by chelhell** April 30, 2023 11:44 am

I've been struggling with wanting to text my ex's mother and tell here that her son is gay. Should I do it? She is a Christian evangelical, she adopted two boys. The other boy already came out as gay years ago and she had a hard time accepting him. But she's always made me feel like she wanted to know why her other son (my eX) was strange. I feel like telling her the truth. Could this backfire on me in anyway?

**Posted by Abby** April 30, 2023 1:11 pm

My recommendation would be that you stop engaging with the past and focus instead on the present. Block anyone who tries to pull you back into it and don't try to explain the situation to his mother or anyone else. It's over.. Savor that!.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** April 30, 2023 2:03 pm

chelhell wrote:
I've been struggling with wanting to text my ex's mother and tell here that her son is gay....

I'll bet you she knows already.

E

**Posted by Rob** May 1, 2023 7:09 am

chelhell,

Texting his mom would make you feel better for a about 5 minutes but is a form of contact when he and she will harass you.. I advise no contact. It only gets you more hurt.

Should him mom contact you and ask...that is a different matter.

**Posted by chelhell** May 10, 2023 2:11 pm

How could it backfire though? What's the worst that could happen? Shouldn't I be shouting it from the rooftops so that another unsuspecting straight woman is not lured into his trap again?

**Posted by Rob** May 11, 2023 2:23 pm

Chelhell,

I think it is a form of contact and I'm alive by the rule..NO CONTACT. Any future woman are not your problem..will they get hurt..most definitely, probably..getting involved you open yourself up to contact from him. There is always a cost to contact with a sociopath. No contact.

Being divorced I strive to teach my GX the meaning of the word divorced..she has forfeited all rights and privileges to my time, talents, and fierce loyalty and love..I gave it..she chose to hurt and not want it. Took her sometime to realize that she no longer had the benefits of the marriage in which I was problem solver and punching bag.

I also try to leave vengeance to God.. it may come down to later I see she is violating the divorce settlement and I have to go back to court..but for now I leave it God.. I truly believe or hope he is looking down and sees the difference between wrong and right .. I give it up to him.

Last edited by Rob (May 11, 2023 2:26 pm)

**Posted by chelhell** May 12, 2023 5:49 am

Hi Rob, I'm a non-believer in God or any religion. I also don't believe in the common idea of "karma". I believe that in order to improve or better society, we must be vigilent and take care of one another while we are here, and that includes preventing a crime or an injustice from happening in the future if we can, by speaking up. I think victims should be speaking to each other and exchanging information rather than staying silent and protecting the perpetrator. What does "GX" mean?