Posted by lily  February 21, 2023 2:42 pm | #21 |
Anon - the process of divorce is really really tough. My experience and what I have observed is that the emotional pressure gets worse and worse and worse to seriously unbearable and then the signature goes on the settlement paper and once that is done it starts to ease.
Now think about that. Could it be deliberate on his behalf? could baiting you be a deliberate ploy?
You are in the middle of a legal process.
My ex deliberately went about the business of scaring me and looking back I can see he was hoping I would complain about it and then he could act the injured innocent party, while appearing to the kindly caring husband he was attempting to bring my mental ability to make my own judgements into question. Calmly and quietly I went about the business of achieving a divorce.
This whole extra dimension of pain we go into, a loss of naïveté that makes our soul ache, is real. It gets easier with time, it is good information in the long run.
My personal opinion is that a little bit of bitterness is a good thing, not a bad thing. It helps with the hurt. Like in a dish of food - a teaspoon of mustard in a cheese sauce is good for the taste and the digestion.
Your good nature, your inherent warm-hearted sanity is real and unchanging.
Last edited by lily (February 21, 2023 3:04 pm)
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Posted by Rob February 22, 2023 11:41 pm | #22 |
Gwendolyn,
Good for you.. steady on ..head held high, face in the wind.
Anon,
You know now in your bones what he is all about and if you were hurt and bleeding what he would do...inflict more hurt. You have a right to feel safe and free from that.
No contact is best and necessary. They have forfeited all rights and privileges to contact with us. At some point there is nothing left to say. The only words my GX knew were hate and rage...anything to instill fear ..anything to make me think I was crazy for thinking what she was doing was wrong.
When in doubt refer to Tom's top 10 ways; https://youtu.be/J3womK70af0
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
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Posted by W10J February 27, 2023 4:41 pm | #23 |
Anon2222 wrote:
. I feel there was a void with him. I have no idea who my late ex really was emotionally.
I feel this. I feel like he is a stranger. I feel like I don't even know the man I was married to.
And then he chose to lie. To my face. And fuck around with my mind. And I thought about it. This is as cruel as withholding insulin from a diabetic child. He actively chose to destroy me. ....he claims complete innocence in all of this. That he didn't mean for this to happen. That he regrets it and lives in guilt. Well...that's all fine and dandy there, but you chose to do it. Feeling bad after the fact does what exactly? So, you've apologized via text....but then abandon me and just continue to be a selfish prick.
I would not be able to ever do this to anyone.
I told him to leave me alone and not contact me. I don't care if my email sounded crazy. Maybe I am crazy. But I can't have him in my life at this point because he won't stop fucking with me....
You aren't crazy. This is exactly what my ex did, and almost exactly the words he used. At one point he was in treatment in hospital for several weeks. After he came out he was a little better at communicating, though that didn't last long. He told me then that he'd wanted to destroy me. Probably the only true thing he'd said in years. No contact is the only way to go when dealing with somebody who twists reality at will. All the self hate he had (and there is a lot) he projected onto me, and treated me as the enemy that was tormenting him. So confusing and hurtful to not even be seen as who you are, but only as a target.
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Posted by Blackie563 February 27, 2023 8:51 pm | #24 |
. I feel there was a void with him. I have no idea who my late ex really was emotionally.
I feel this. I feel like he is a stranger. I feel like I don't even know the man I was married to.
And then he chose to lie. To my face. And fuck around with my mind. And I thought about it. This is as cruel as withholding insulin from a diabetic child. He actively chose to destroy me. ....he claims complete innocence in all of this. That he didn't mean for this to happen. That he regrets it and lives in guilt. Well...that's all fine and dandy there, but you chose to do it. Feeling bad after the fact does what exactly? So, you've apologized via text....but then abandon me and just continue to be a selfish prick.
I would not be able to ever do this to anyone.
I told him to leave me alone and not contact me. I don't care if my email sounded crazy. Maybe I am crazy. But I can't have him in my life at this point because he won't stop fucking with me....You aren't crazy. This is exactly what my ex did, and almost exactly the words he used. At one point he was in treatment in hospital for several weeks. After he came out he was a little better at communicating, though that didn't last long. He told me then that he'd wanted to destroy me. Probably the only true thing he'd said in years. No contact is the only way to go when dealing with somebody who twists reality at will. All the self hate he had (and there is a lot) he projected onto me, and treated me as the enemy that was tormenting him. So confusing and hurtful to not even be seen as who you are, but only as a target.
All of this. My ex wife apologized "for all of it", but never for lying, the CHOICE she made to have an affair for months knowing what it would do to me, and then lying to me AFTER she told me she was having an affair, fucked with me to keep me around claiming she was "confused" but "couldnt let me go". We are days from a judges signature and I've been no contact for months. She tries to act mad at me, get a reaction from me, treat me like I did something wrong. Screwed with my money, everything she said she would never do because she said she "knows this is all her fault". All lies. Every. Damn. Word.
These people are sick. I feel confident that mine has NPD and nearly all people with NPD never recover, because that involves facing themselves for who they truly are and that is unbearable for them. I am fortunate to have great friends and family that carried me through this, or I'd be crazy too.
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Posted by True February 28, 2023 9:22 am | #25 |
Anon2222:
Ive read your post & all your replies, Do know we are all here for you & this dark cloud will lift in time. I don’t believe “ we” ever come out the same person, it’s a tragic Death of the part of our life that was all one big lie. The mask comes of their beauty face & the real monster is revealed. Yes you want revenge, hurt him as much as he hurt you & yet loving him so deeply wishing it could all go away & the two of you together as it once was. As painful as it is please know he did you the biggest favor. He removed his Mask, you now know beyond a shadow of doubt the Monster He Is’ & Freeing you from his chains of dark evilness of Lies’ & Deceptions. You are Free to love again & someone to love you for the beautiful person you are in truth & sincerity.
Hugs 🤗💟
Last edited by True (February 28, 2023 9:54 am)
"And you will know the truth, & the truth will set you free"
John 8:32
True ❤️.
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz February 28, 2023 12:36 pm | #26 |
.....
True.... The word "rainbow" in your post might not be the most mindful word to use in a Forum full of straightspouses who've been damaged by people who use rainbows as their flag
Elle
KIA KAHA
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Posted by Anon2222 February 28, 2023 12:41 pm | #27 |
.....
True.... The word "rainbow" in your post might not be the most mindful word to use in a Forum full of straightspouses who've been damaged by people who use rainbows as their flag
Elle
Ok, I had to laugh at this. I actually have PTSD symptoms when I see the stupid rainbow anything now. I didn't know it was possible to hate a bloody rainbow. But I absolutely cannot deal with the site of anything rainbow right now. So, I am hoping that trigger will settle down over time....
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Posted by lily February 28, 2023 4:45 pm | #28 |
I don't think we're going to get the chance to settle back down and enjoy the natural phenomenon of a rainbow ever again at this rate.
Personally I am feeling super triggered at the moment because I am so familiar with the rainbow serpent. And yes it is symbolic of all of us. So now it has been used as the first float in the world wide gay pride parade with the aborigine gay women saying it means all of us. Unfortunately of course that now comes to mean all of the LGBTQI+ group.
To use it to symbolise gay pride is to monopolise it - as if straights have fallen off the back of life.
Last edited by lily (February 28, 2023 4:51 pm)
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Posted by lily February 28, 2023 7:42 pm | #29 |
Anon, just want to reiterate, you might have some interesting aspects to the way your brain works but broken? In all the posts you have written here you certainly show yourself as intelligent, warm hearted and distinctly sane.
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Posted by HereInMpls2717 February 28, 2023 11:31 pm | #30 |
.....
True.... The word "rainbow" in your post might not be the most mindful word to use in a Forum full of straightspouses who've been damaged by people who use rainbows as their flag
Elle
Ok, I had to laugh at this. I actually have PTSD symptoms when I see the stupid rainbow anything now. I didn't know it was possible to hate a bloody rainbow. But I absolutely cannot deal with the site of anything rainbow right now. So, I am hoping that trigger will settle down over time....
I relate to that so much. Anytime I see one right now my chest gets tight. That's so frustrating! I don't even have anything against them. It's the association with someone who's ripped my heart out.
We'll get past it. No way is this going to be my forever state. It won't be for you either!
