OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / 2022 was a fucked-up year

**Posted by Anon2222** February 26, 2023 7:58 pm

Ellexoh_nz wrote:
I don't feel brave. I feel sick and scared and alone.

E

I'm a willing ear or virtual shoulder to cry on if needed. I'm also right there beside you...this is such a horrible process and we all need as much support as we can get!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 26, 2023 8:29 pm

Anon2222 wrote:
....I'm a willing ear or virtual shoulder to cry on if needed. I'm also right there beside you...this is such a horrible process and we all need as much support as we can get!

Through the aloneness and apprehension I
know I have to get through this.
Thanks for the shoulder..and the ear, I know you're all there I just wish you were all here 🙂

Elle

How are you feeling about your app in a couple of days Anon?

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** February 26, 2023 9:56 pm

Elle,

I don't know if this will apply to you, but I'm saying it because forewarned is forearmed.

My ex was someone who avoided, closed down, resorted to silence, and liked to ignore the elephant in the room, and I think you have said similar things about your partner. However, once the process was started, I was amazed to see how proactive my ex was on his own behalf when it came to assets. So you will need to be prepared to stand firm and stand up to him, and at a time when you don't feel strong at all.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 27, 2023 12:01 am

OutofHisCloset wrote:
Elle,

I don't know if this will apply to you, but I'm saying it because forewarned is forearmed.

My ex was someone who avoided, closed down, resorted to silence, and liked to ignore the elephant in the room, and I think you have said similar things about your partner. However, once the process was started, I was amazed to see how proactive my ex was on his own behalf when it came to assets. So you will need to be prepared to stand firm and stand up to him, and at a time when you don't feel strong at all.

I just don't know how this will go Oohc. But we don't have much and my savings are separate from our joint assets so we'll see what advice we get from our lawyers through the collaborative process

E

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 27, 2023 12:52 pm

OutofHisCloset wrote:
....I don't know if this will apply to you, but I'm saying it because forewarned is forearmed...
....you will need to be prepared to stand firm and stand up to him, and at a time when you don't feel strong at all.

I mentioned to him last night that he had left off the list of tools in the garage but.....I wouldn't even know (or care for that matter) what the value, if any, they hold but I did mention it and he seemed surprised I'd thought of it.

We have nothing. I'm realising we live well, have discretionary cash to live well, A has a good, well-paying job, we've holidayed, I can fly off to visit family whenever I wish but when I dig down and look hard at my/our life
....it has no meaningful substance anymore. And that makes me feel sad for what my life has become because after this A will have all the financial power of a man who was always the breadwinner, he'll have the core of what we both started and will build on that whereas *I* will have to begin again at 65.
I wish I'd seen and appreciated what was happening earlier and acted sooner

E

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 28, 2023 5:27 pm

Okay....yesterday I was thinking I need some face-to-face support in the next few months until things
become clearer as to when & where I will start my new life so this morning I visited a Women's Centre
here in ChristChurch and introduced myself.
To ease myself in I'm going to go to a yoga class there tomorrow morning

E

**Posted by lily** February 28, 2023 7:40 pm

well done Elle. brilliant - what a good idea, you will get all the up to date info in a group like that.

**Posted by Toward the Light** February 28, 2023 8:03 pm

“To ease myself in I'm going to go to a yoga class there tomorrow morning

E”

Yeeeeeesssss! Just keep saying yes to anything that connects you to your community. Yoga = taking care of yourself. You WILL get through this.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** March 1, 2023 6:24 pm

Lily and Toward.....the yoga class was small, just 2 of us and the teacher, but it was a good experience.

In fact....afterward the other woman mentioned she was in the process of divorcing her husband (she's the same age-range as me) and we went for a coffee afterwards (I actually had a yogurt instead lol), Talked about ourselves, exchanged mobile numbers and though I felt a bit weird, with a touch of suspicion ..gave her my address after she had given me hers.

It all seemed too good to be true that she was going through the same as me

Elle

**Posted by lily** March 1, 2023 6:39 pm

I don't know that it is so coincidental that she is also going through a divorce but it strikes me too as a bit odd that she should give you her address. Did she give a reason?