OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / And I'm confused again...but what else is new?

**Posted by EmberLIT56** February 3, 2023 4:54 pm

So TH and I have been separated for about 3.5 weeks but are trying to be as amicable as possible during this time. She moved out at my request, but has come over for a few hours usually one day each weekend since then, whether to talk about splitting assets or to just talk, etc. She never dressed in front of me this time around (we tried to make it work with her dressing about 5 years ago and that was a disaster and she stopped so I didn't even go there this time when the transgender issue came back up).

Today, she came over to place garbage in our bin and just texted that she was going to do so and then hit the road. So I get up, go to the window and knock on it to get her attention to wave hello. There she was, in her new glory with her women's coat, glasses, and boots. So what has me really confused is that she was actually sort of cute looking like that.

I've never questioned my sexuality...I have always thought of myself as straight and thinking of dating a woman doesn't appeal to me (neither does it gross me out, but it just isn't what I would chose). So why am I thinking this? I don't know that I find her cute in a sexual way. It's almost an appreciative yet jealous way. Am I just lonely? Is it because she still kind of looks like the man I loved? Am I jealous because she's out there discovering herself and I never really did? Am I jealous because I think she looks cuter than me? (I never believed myself to be beautiful nor am I a girly-girl).

Has anyone else ever gone through anything like this?

**Posted by private** February 23, 2023 11:03 pm

My ex dated a guy who shaved his eyebrows and made himself look more feminine. So, it was difficult. In the beginning, I was all over the place. I felt that I had to be stronger, harsher and more masculine for him. But that wasn't me. I was a woman, and I was feminine. But I think with their struggles we somehow get wrapped up into it and subconsciously adapt some sad way. but somewhere on this site it says the best way to fully recover is to distant yourself. completely. only when you are away from them will you know yourself.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** February 24, 2023 10:17 am

Private wrote: "I think with their struggles we somehow get wrapped up into it and subconsciously adapt some sad way. but somewhere on this site it says the best way to fully recover is to distant yourself. completely. only when you are away from them will you know yourself. "

I agree with this. (My ex was also a trans-identified male.) I'd also ask yourself why your husband needed to alert you he'd be dropping by just to put his garbage in the bin. He could have swung by and you'd never have noticed.