OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / 2022 was a fucked-up year

**Posted by Anon2222** February 7, 2023 11:34 am

How are you holding up?

**Posted by Abby** February 7, 2023 12:11 pm

I hope that your children will be a source of love and support for you going forward.

**Posted by firefly** February 7, 2023 12:19 pm

You are strong and amazing. I am thinking about you today.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 7, 2023 12:42 pm

Thank you all. I don't know where I'd be without this Forum

He looked at me when I said "I've been to a lawyer. I want to separate" and said "I thought this is a conversation you and I would have" as my son sat looking awkward. My son said "I know you've been having problems" then looked at me "and you've confided in me too" Which would have come as a shock to his father.
It's not all 'out on the table' yet. I still have 2 of my children to tell, which I'll do today.
I feel numb. Like I've walked through a door and found myself in a place that's foreign to me. The one thing that I keep hearing in my head is "you can't go back now"

E

**Posted by Abby** February 7, 2023 2:03 pm

But it is not the door to a walled garden. Having opened it you can breathe deeply and see and feel the world around you.

**Posted by W10J** February 7, 2023 5:36 pm

Ellexoh_nz wrote:
Thank you all. I don't know where I'd be without this Forum

He looked at me when I said "I've been to a lawyer. I want to separate" and said "I thought this is a conversation you and I would have" as my son sat looking awkward. My son said "I know you've been having problems" then looked at me "and you've confided in me too" Which would have come as a shock to his father.
It's not all 'out on the table' yet. I still have 2 of my children to tell, which I'll do today.
I feel numb. Like I've walked through a door and found myself in a place that's foreign to me. The one thing that I keep hearing in my head is "you can't go back now"

E

Yeah, it is foreign and weird feeling, but good job, you got the hardest step out of the way! It isn't easy, but so much better.

**Posted by Toward the Light** February 7, 2023 8:07 pm

I just looked up the meaning of your tag line, Elle.
Kia Kaha, indeed!
To help reestablish your sense of personal security, try repeating the following affirmations often OR write them on your morning mirror with soap, where you see them upon awakening:

I am grounded.
I trust in myself.
I trust in others.
I am safe and secure.
I have exactly what I need.
I am exactly where I am meant to be.
I am strong.
I trust in my body’s ability to heal me.
I am supported.

We are here for you. Lean on us. Kia Kaha.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 8, 2023 1:02 pm

W10J wrote:
....Yeah, it is foreign and weird feeling, but good job, you got the hardest step out of the way! It isn't easy, but so much better.

Numb. I'm still numb but that is to my benefit because it stops me from thinking I've made the wrong move.

You know Forum...my partner hasn't said one single word about this. How fucked up is that! It's like he had to acknowledge it when our son was in the room but since then nothing. I told my daughter yesterday and she was here when he came home from work. Nothing was said by either re the elephant in the room. My sister said "people don't like hearing bad things about people they love" So true!
I'm on holiday (by myself) in 2 days and I'll leave him with some info on Collaborative or Combative ways to handle this. But once again....it's me doing all the talking, me doing all the emotional work on this.

He'll be thinking heaps, maybe reading up on stuff but not talking to anybody. Fuck!!!

E

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 8, 2023 1:04 pm

Toward the Light wrote:
I just looked up the meaning of your tag line, Elle. Kia Kaha, indeed!...

That is so cool you did that

Elle

**Posted by Rob** February 8, 2023 4:13 pm

Elle,

Hang in there... He is , this you know, thinking, processing, plotting.. He probably has no words or lies he can think of yet I would just stay the course...stick to all your routines.. keep things as normal and the same as possible ...at least that was what I did.. I was kind as I always had been. it was a "dont provoke or poke the bear" strategy but also routines kept me grounded giving some sense of control of my life.

Know that once you officially file in the courts (at least where I am) there has to be an end..