OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Question about trans clothes

**Posted by W10J** January 26, 2023 4:29 pm

My trans ex had so many clothes, at least 50 times as many women's clothes as I had when I last saw them. But they were all styles from decades ago, things their deceased mother wore. Is there a reason for that? Nothing was anywhere close to current styles. They weren't like vintage clothes, they were new, but just like things in their mother's closet, all of them. I don't understand why.

**Posted by Abby** January 26, 2023 4:42 pm

Maybe your trans ex used to dress up in his mother's clothes and that has influenced her preferences?

**Posted by W10J** January 26, 2023 5:32 pm

Oh, that makes sense. I know they got really messed up when she died, and became so abusive. I never knew if the two were related.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** January 26, 2023 6:38 pm

My trans-identified ex bought himself a slip that was just like the 50s slips his mother used to wear. He said that the first time he ever cross-dressed, when he was a child, he put on his mother's slip; his mother discovered him wearing it and punished him. So to him it was the desired object of clothing. In other words he fetishized it.

According to Ray Blanchard (a psychologist and researcher on trans-identified men), cross-dressing autogynephilic men (the majority of today's "transgender women") often begin crossdressing (and masturbating while wearing women's clothing) when they are in early adolescence, in their mothers' or sisters' clothing, which may explain this penchant for buying and wearing clothing like their mothers wore.

**Posted by W10J** January 28, 2023 8:51 pm

That's interesting. My ex cross dressed for years, and it never felt feminine, but it did feel weirdly sexual, though they denied that. But they wanted me to dress that way, so much, it felt like their mother was in bed with us. And it was so addictive, there was so much hiding and lying and compulsive spending. Deciding they're trans hasn't made any difference in the spending, they just aren't hiding it now, and so deeply in debt. It's good our finances aren't together anymore. I don't think I'll ever understand it.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** January 29, 2023 1:01 pm

The more I tried to understand the sexual element to my ex's crossdressing the more creeped out I got. The more I understood about it, the more effed up I thought it was. I'm so glad to be away from it--and him.

**Posted by W10J** January 29, 2023 6:10 pm

Yeah. Me too. It wasn't the clothes so much that bothered me most, I guess, though that was definitely creepy with all the undercurrents. Being targeted with the rage, and all the projection, and the lying were the deal breakers for me. So many things mixed up in their psyche, I can't untangle just the gender issues. Changing clothes and pronouns is not even touching the real problem, whatever that it is. But it's left me kind of soured on trans. I know that's not fair, and somewhere there must be healthy trans people. My ex is not one of them.

**Posted by Lynne** February 2, 2023 1:17 am

I don't believe there are any healthy "trans" people. There are always underlying conditions.

**Posted by lily** February 2, 2023 5:24 pm

I think gay in denial can be an underlying factor, as in - 'I'm not gay, I just like women's clothes'

**Posted by W10J** February 2, 2023 5:50 pm

I still haven't figured this out. I don't think my ex is gay, they still look for girl friends. Maybe non-binary? I don't know, this whole gender thing is so hard to separate from the politics of it all. My best guess for my ex is they weren't accepted as a "proper boy" so thought maybe being a woman was the answer? But I never was a "proper girl", and I'm comfortable with being a woman. I grew up fighting the boxes of what was considered masculine or feminine, eventually figured that since I was female, then by definition, anything I did was feminine. I think the definition of what a woman or a man is supposed to be needs to change. But I really don't understand gender change, it all seems so based on stereotypes.