Posted by AKate  January 31, 2023 4:36 pm | #11 |
gwendolyn_C wrote:
AKate - I wish you the best in this journey. I say this with all kindness, don't forget to take care of yourself. My concern is your husband did not tell you about his 'phase of life' before you got married. Also, no one wakes up and decides to have sex with a man. There had to be premeditated actions and plans.
We are here when you need to vent!
Thanks, Gwendolyn. I am doing my best to care for myself. We have honestly come a long way in the past few weeks in being honest, open and supportive of each other. Still lots to decide, still lots of emotions. Here is the part of our story that almost seems amusing now, but is also infuriating: he DID disclose SOME of this “phase of his life to me” before we were married. He said that he “explored in college”. That was all. I flat out asked him then “are you trying to tell me you are gay or bi?” He said no, he wasn’t either. He was just sharing about his past. He didn’t give me any other reason after that to believe he wasn’t telling me the truth when he said he was straight. I can’t turn back time, I wish I could b/c I’d tell myself to just back away slowly. But, here we are today…..I am going to have to find a why to back away slowly, it’s just going to be a lot more complicated now.
I do believe we will find the best way for us on this journey - it will hurt, it will be traumatic - but we will figure it out. Thank you for your support.
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Posted by AKate January 31, 2023 4:46 pm | #12 |
I completely relate to almost everything you are saying. I felt so awful watching the man I love, describe himself as worthless because he is gay. He thought about taking his life. All I could do in that moment was hug and love him and reassure him of his worth and even of God’s love for him.
I am still proud of the love and patience and tolerance I felt in that moment. It’s only been a few months but the shock is wearing off. I’m often angry now & feel foolish and “left behind.”
In time, as I take back my life and put myself in front agsin- I hope this will change for me. But for now I am angry and sad.
This is just so hard. Sending you my friendship and support. There is great comfort in knowing that we are not alone.
Surprise, I am feeling the same. I wasn’t angry at first, but I’ve gotten more angry lately. In the healthiest way possible. It feels good, and I have given some of that anger to my GH too. I am still sad some too. Believe it or not, I do still have hope that life will be good again. I don’t know what that life will look like, and I believe I will have more dark days than bright ones along the way, but I do still have some hope. You are not alone, we are not alone. Wishing you the best today and in the weeks and months to come.
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Posted by AKate January 31, 2023 5:02 pm | #13 |
You are about to experience a whole rollercoaster of emotions. What I would advise is to let yourself feel everything, even though it is going to hurt. Try not to place blame on yourself. You did nothing wrong. And if your husband has been this miserable then he needs to deal with it. Maybe a separation for a bit would allow you time to make sure you are processing everything that is happening. Just make sure that you are safe physically and mentally. I am not sure what boundaries you had set in your marriage, but the fact that your husband committed adultery would be a huge red flag for myself and my morals (betrayal). If you are still intimate, please be sure you are careful and get tested.
Hi Ember, thanks for sharing your story. I am most definitely on a roller coaster right now. It’s unsettling but I am doing the best I can. We are working on what the best possible scenario could be for us. Right now, our intimacy has stopped. I have tested negative for STIs and so has he. We are coming together as a team to figure things out. Don’t be confused, there are no “get out of jail free” cards being passed out. HE violated all of the boundaries of our marriage. HE sacrificed my trust in him. HE has blown up our life. He knows I see it that way and he is taking that responsibility. Apologies have been made and accepted. And, you are right, I do still care for and love him. He still cares for and loves me. That is the basis we are going to build off of as we move forward.
My best to you today in the days to come.
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