Sooooo, I traveled to my LW's family's home for the holiday weekend. It's been a month since she told me she wants a divorce to pursue her new life after 30 years together. Being there, among my in-laws, whom I love as my own parents, while hiding from them & my teen children the double-secret ambush that will befall them all in the new year made me feel so miserable, deceitful, & a party to her impending ambush. I pretended to be the happy father/husband/son-in-law/brother-in-law, even as I inwardly struggled to keep it together. Church was a particularly trying experience, knowing also that she's shedding the faith that has been her foundation since childhood. I know many of you have been through all of this already, but I just feel tainted by her charade. To make matters worse, she wrote a cryptic message in my Christmas card that gave me a stupid feeling of hope, which I foolishly snapped up, hook, line, & sinker, only to learn later, she meant absolutely nothing by it--couldn't even remember what she was trying to say. Our last family holiday together, & it's another horrible memory to add to a pretty lengthy list. I pray, & I seek counsel from God, but I'm feeling only pain, confusion, & loss.