OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / My story - searching for path forward

**Posted by SameDeepWaterAsPhil** September 8, 2022 9:31 pm

Pinky,
I fully understand & relate. My LW came out a decade ago as "Bi," only to decide last summer to inform me that she's actually gay & has no physical attraction to me anymore. It's a struggle every day to keep the anxiety & depression at bay. I pray a lot & faith has definitely helped me stay the course in our MOM, along with excellent marriage counseling. This forum can be a comforting--& sometimes brutally honest--source of support, too. Dutchman's story is the most hopeful I've heard yet. Check it out if you haven't already. Take care of yourself first & foremost, though.

**Posted by Journey932** October 9, 2022 10:15 am

Pinky, I don't think our situation is the same, but I am a straight woman in a MOM. My husband came out to me as gay/bi 20 years ago. I was shattered at first and for a long time but he stressed that he did not want to leave our marriage or have sex with men. He just wanted me to know this about him. It did take a long time and many conversations and intimacy to get to the place where we are now, which I think is a healthy marriage where we're both happy. We are intimate and both enjoy sex, although I initiate more. When we were younger and I was exhausted from motherhood he initiated more. My husband has never had same sex, but knows this is part of who he is, that he has those attractions. However, he chooses our marriage and relationship and has accepted he will never live that side of him. Some other men who feel more strongly may not be able to do that. I could not have accepted him cheating on me, or having an open marriage. I do though, accept him and see him and love him for all that he is.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 21, 2022 1:37 pm

LostMama wrote:
... He is an amazing man, friend, husband, and father. And I desperately want our lives back to the way it was 2 months ago, but I am unsure if we will ever be able to get there. ....

As a straightspouse who is still with my bisexual partner (together 38 years) I can tell you it will. never ever get back to the way it was. This thing that happens to the straightspouse is so life-changing, mind-altering and soul-destroying that for your own survival, if you decide to stay, you have to let go of how you feel about the man who's told you he's attracted to men and put yourself and your children first.

Elle

**Posted by BOFA** November 29, 2022 8:31 am

Hi Pinky,

Reading your story, it sounds fairly similar to ours. I am a straight spouse married to a gay husband. I have been off this forum since May 2022 as it can be a very painful place, even while it is immensely helpful. Real struggles are described here, and there is very little sugar-coating. I hope that you do return to this post and continue your journey with the people here who understand what you're going through. There is no one who understands like a member of the community. And as time continues, you will find that you just want to be understood. By anyone.

My husband and I have been married over 21 years, together for 22 years. He came out to me in January of this year, and it has been a terrible rollercoaster ever since. He has not been unfaithful. We are still together, and as flawed as our attempt is, we are trying to make this work.

I want to assure you that there are other MOM couples who, like you, have remained monogamous. My husband and I hardly know what success looks like yet, but we are 10 months into our journey. There is so much time, growth, understanding, disclosure, acceptance, and peace to come.

It hurts like hell in the meantime. I'm so sorry that you are living this.