OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Heartbroken 💔

**Posted by Anon2222** October 18, 2022 8:49 am

I feel your pain. 18 years here too.

I feel the humiliation to my core. I wrack my brain for how could I not know? How was I so blind sided? I struggle with being embarrassed to tell people. I have had some judgement already....mainly the incredulous, but haven't you slept together?!? Yes....for 18 flipping years.

On one hand I guess I got off "easy" - he told me and then basically just moved out. I never even got a chance to process what the hell was going on before my marriage was over in a *poof*. Sometimes I just look at it as he died. It feels like a death. I have to admit I kinda wish he did die....people treat you a lot different when you're the "loyal, loving widow" vs "the one who got dumped by her repressed gay husband".

If you are ready, I would ask him to move out. He is flat out disrespecting you and you deserve better. Also, tell anyone you want. You need the support. Even if you have a giant support system....this is still going to be hard. And you're still going to go through most of it alone. So, unload as much as you can on others to lighten the load.

In my case, he moved out 3 weeks ago. I'm depressed AF. I am not eating, not sleeping, and barely making it through the days. I, too, have a very hard time seeing this getting better. I hate my "new" life. But, not much more we can do but get up every morning and do our best

**Posted by Alimomof3** October 18, 2022 10:45 am

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply, what a terrible situation we have all found ourselves in.
I just didn’t know what to do for the best, on hearing your replies I need to go with my gut and ask him to leave. I should say that he has said he will move out of our house and leave me and the kids here but just not when. Says he wants to be here to support me! I honestly can’t deal with seeing him move on so soon, on his phone smiling all the time, getting dressed up to meet someone, it’s heartbreaking 💔! He won’t even admit he is with someone keeps telling me he will most likely end up alone and lonely.
Alone and lonely is what I’m feeling and part of me is dreading him packing up and moving out but I know this has to happen in order for me to try deal with things. At least I won’t see what’s happening. I know my life will be very different and it will be very hard for me and the children.
It would be so much easier if he had died, I’d have lots of support but I feel people have enough on their own plate without worrying about me and sure they don’t know what to say to me. I’ve been cooking for the kids but can barely stomach a few bites. The tears are gone for today and I’m feeling resentment towards him today, can’t even look at him.
I’d love a crystal ball to see into the future, I’d love to know if I’ll get through this ok and come out the otherside. Right now I can’t imagine the hurt, betrayal ever leaving me and the sad fact I’ll probably end up alone

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** October 18, 2022 12:36 pm

Alimomof3,
I don't remember whether you said you've seen a lawyer to see what rights you have, and to discuss financial support of the children. Please do that if you haven't! It helps to get a realistic idea of what you will need to be dealing with, even if it's not as positive as you'd like. Once you know, you can start planning, which gives you a sense of control that simple dread robs you of.

**Posted by Daryl** October 18, 2022 7:13 pm

How in the name of all that's holy can what he's doing be called support? He's rubbing your face in his shiny new life.

**Posted by Alimomof3** October 19, 2022 1:20 am

Out of his closet,
I haven’t been to a lawyer yet, he has said he will provide and continue to give me the housekeeping he gives me at the moment, he will continue to do the mortgage as before. For now it’s amicable, no arrangements made regarding our children yet and that’s simply because he is still living with us.
Daryl
To be honest I actually think in his head he thinks he is helping me/supporting me. During the week he does help with father duties like before, it’s just when the weekend comes and he wants to be somewhere else/with someone else that the pain really hurts. To see him out exploring moving on so soon when I’m struggling with the end of our relationship is a lot for me and the pain is unbearable. I haven’t looked at another man in 18 years. He is walking around on his phone constantly smiling at messages like a teenager, no regard for my feelings. I’m currently living in a nightmare and just wish I could wake up.
I have began telling people our relationship is over haven’t told everyone why yet, but a few close people know why. I’m hoping this will help me try coke to terms with things

**Posted by Rob** October 19, 2022 5:51 am

Alimonof3

So sorry. My GXs gay affair and end of my marriage was funded, facilated and orchestrated by me paying my then wife's cell phone bill. It is a form of abuse. Hacking her phone I saw the depth of her joy in hurting me. Her gay lover convinced her I was this horrible husband and they both delighted in calling me names all why I cried my eyes out.

The smiles ended when instead of tears I said talk to my lawyer.

Build your support system and discretely secure a lawyer. It doesn't sound like he'll stop hurting you and his paying the bills, be them a million dollars, will eventually not be worth the hurt and abuse. Your kids need an unabused mom.

Wishing you strength and stoicism.

Last edited by Rob (October 19, 2022 5:52 am)