Posted by Bertuccio  September 30, 2022 12:11 pm | #1 |
You're struggling to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
And you make a narrative to the story. On how it happened, on why it happened. Explaining what doesn't seem to have an explanation. Blaming the world, blaming bad luck.
Your narrative has this open-ended unlucky victim feeling. This sort of once-in-a-lifetime scenario, meteor-hitting-Earth type. You could've never seen it coming. There was no chance for you to avoid it and no way for you to fix it.
It was just bad luck... sorry dude, shit happens. Move on. No lesson to be learnt.
And then you read something somebody wrote: "I want someone who wants me. Specifically me."
And it hits you. There was something missing in the story. Something you know now and it provides the clarity and closure you need.
The reason why she told you it ended is irrelevant. Your case is not any more special than that of many others.
The truth, the hard truth, is: she never truly loved you. Sure she thought she loved you. She loved what you represented. She loved the way you fit into what, at the time, she thought she wanted in life.
Here's the thing. What you want in life changes over time. You don't want the same thing in your 20s than in your 30s, 40s or 50s. If you don't love the person you're with but how that person fits in your life at any given time, one day you'll wake up and realize that the love you thought you had for that person has vanished.
She didn't love the person you are. And the day came that she realized her love she thought she had for you is gone. Because she didn't love you, she didn't love specifically you. And you no longer fit in her life. Instead, you have become a burden she needs to get rid of.
The worst part. Deep down you knew that already. Because you never felt truly loved. Because she needed reasons to love you when you just loved her unconditionally. Because you shouldn't have to work so hard to be happy. Because when you are with the right person it should just happen.
And here is the lesson to be learnt.
Give yourself to others, but be careful. Because if you give too much of yourself, she might feel overwhelmed and leave (as it has happened to you before).... or she might confuse for love the extremely pleasant feeling of warmth and cozyness you provide (as it just happened to you now)
You want someone who loves you.
Specifically you.
Not what you do, not what you give.
Just you.
Last edited by Bertuccio (September 30, 2022 3:02 pm)
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz September 30, 2022 12:59 pm | #2 |
Oh wow Bertuccio..I can hear the pain in your words.
You can type those thoughts and put them here and nobody will judge you but remember you need face to face communication to stop yourself from thinking nobody is there for you, or will ever be there again
But I'm sure you are talking to friends, family, a counselor...right?
Elle
KIA KAHA
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Posted by Just_me1081 September 30, 2022 2:13 pm | #3 |
The truth, the hard truth, is: she never truly loved you. Sure she thought she loved you. She loved what you represented. She loved the way you fit into what, at the time, she thought she wanted in life.
I felt that
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Posted by Bertuccio September 30, 2022 3:16 pm | #4 |
Ellexoh_nz wrote:
Oh wow Bertuccio..I can hear the pain in your words.
You can type those thoughts and put them here and nobody will judge you but remember you need face to face communication to stop yourself from thinking nobody is there for you, or will ever be there again
But I'm sure you are talking to friends, family, a counselor...right?
Elle
I've done all my therapy and talked to friends and family.
Therapist recommended me to write, and through writing I got the clarity of what happened.
This words came to me over the past couple of days, and they represent my farewell to STBX.
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Posted by Bertuccio September 30, 2022 3:26 pm | #5 |
The truth, the hard truth, is: she never truly loved you. Sure she thought she loved you. She loved what you represented. She loved the way you fit into what, at the time, she thought she wanted in life.
I felt that
As hard as it feels, this thought has helped me heal more than anything else.
Last edited by Bertuccio (October 2, 2022 3:04 am)
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Posted by LostAtSea September 30, 2022 4:01 pm | #6 |
B,
This hit me like a ton! Very well articulated.
This my friend is the realization I had come to myself.
For someone to love you as they say...they would never do this. But it wasn’t loving you, it was loving your presence in her mind for a life she thought she wanted.
My therapist asked me...what have I learned in this experience? What will I not take to a new relationship?
I think to myself...I learn who my real friends are. I learn to never accept less. I learn to trust my instincts and gut. I learn to trust my body on why I didnt react to a partner who didn’t want physical intimacy. I learn that I’ve been manipulated and gaslighted.
I will NEVER doubt myself even if it means walking away from “love”.
You will find someone again. Someone who loves you for you! And if there is a chance you don’t, know you will be okay. Because you are the best thing for you. And no one else matters in your happiness.
What have you learned?
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Posted by Blackie563 September 30, 2022 4:16 pm | #7 |
The truth, the hard truth, is: she never truly loved you. Sure she thought she loved you. She loved what you represented. She loved the way you fit into what, at the time, she thought she wanted in life.
Well, this hit like a punch to the gut from Mike Tyson....but well said. Sums up my situation perfectly. Thank you for sharing your writing, as much as this hurt to read, I feel less alone having read it. She never really loved me...just what I represented. Wow...
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Posted by lily September 30, 2022 4:24 pm | #8 |
This young woman was staying at my house while she attended a music festival and she was open about being a lesbian with me and went on to describe to me what it was like. Her face lit up as she talked about flirting with men and the excitement she felt when a man she was flirting with got interested.
It is not Cupid's arrow though. Yes she wants the husband and the child, she wants the status she wants all of that but there is no way that it will come between her and other women - that is what mattered to her.
I asked her what about the man, did she think it would be good for him and it was a non-question, not something she would consider or acknowledge at all.
It is like picking a Gucci handbag off the shelf for her, no more does she pause to think will the handbag like being owned by me.
Last edited by lily (September 30, 2022 4:37 pm)
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Posted by Bertuccio September 30, 2022 5:39 pm | #9 |
B,
This hit me like a ton! Very well articulated.
This my friend is the realization I had come to myself.
For someone to love you as they say...they would never do this. But it wasn’t loving you, it was loving your presence in her mind for a life she thought she wanted.
My therapist asked me...what have I learned in this experience? What will I not take to a new relationship?
I think to myself...I learn who my real friends are. I learn to never accept less. I learn to trust my instincts and gut. I learn to trust my body on why I didnt react to a partner who didn’t want physical intimacy. I learn that I’ve been manipulated and gaslighted.
I will NEVER doubt myself even if it means walking away from “love”.
You will find someone again. Someone who loves you for you! And if there is a chance you don’t, know you will be okay. Because you are the best thing for you. And no one else matters in your happiness.
What have you learned?
I learnt that you don't get people to love you just because you put all your heart into loving them.
I learnt that I am worth being loved, truly loved by someone.
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz September 30, 2022 10:16 pm | #10 |
....I've done all my therapy and talked to friends and family.
Therapist recommended me to write, and through writing I got the clarity of what happened.
This words came to me over the past couple of days, and they represent my farewell to STBX.
❤️
KIA KAHA
