OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / I just found this site... and feel overwhelmed.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 29, 2022 12:30 pm

Victo wrote:
....I see that what you are going through is largely the same as what everyone else here is going through, including Elle. ....

I'm a straightspouse Victo. Not lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, queer or any of the other letters.
Nothing I've gone through is the same as what he/she/they are going through.

**Posted by Victo** September 29, 2022 1:37 pm

Elle, we can agree to disagree and I’m still on your side.

I’m on the side of almost anyone going through the mindfuck of finding out their spouse is gay.

Like you, I have zero same sex attraction, and like you, I’d prefer this space to be free of discussion by people who experience same sex attraction.

There are ways to handle it that don’t involve harshly lashing at and cutting off people going through the mindfuck.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 29, 2022 2:12 pm

Victo wrote:
Elle, we can agree to disagree ........

I've openly let my thoughts be known about non-straightspouses being welcomed here. Sean's had a presence here that I've never understood, and may be one of the reasons members of the LGBTQ community think they can comment. The change of name from Straightspouse Network may have had a hand in it too.

I'd never post on an LGBTQ forum as a straightspouse. They and we are oil and water

**Posted by Victo** September 29, 2022 2:21 pm

I don’t want to read LGBTQ perspectives here either. After what I have been through, I find soo much of that world to be quite triggering.

I literally do not understand same sex attraction at all. Utterly gross to my taste.

That said, I recognize that LGTBQ people are people and some of them can be narcissist monsters and some can be perfectly wonderful people.

I’m not sure on any given day what all the different gender identifications are anymore. I can’t understand the difference between bisexual and pansexual, demisexual and others…. And I don’t really care to go into it here. Google is fine if I cared to look it up, which I don’t. None of my business or interest, frankly.

I’m straight, and I’m into straight women. Period.

I just recognize that someone is here hurting from the mindfuck of finding out that their spouse is gay, and I wish to be mindful of other people’s pain as a way of demonstrating how other people should treat my pain.

We’re all still people. Elle, I get what you are going through and I get that there are times when you are more vulnerable than other times. Sometimes, you can present with a kind of gruff harshness that I have felt myself and heard about from others here that they find it hurtful and offputting.

Let’s not add to anyone’s pain is all I’m suggesting.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 29, 2022 3:27 pm

Victo wrote:
......We’re all still people. Elle, I get what you are going through and I get that there are times when you are more vulnerable than other times. Sometimes, you can present with a kind of gruff harshness that I have felt myself and heard about from others here that they find it hurtful and offputting.

Let’s not add to anyone’s pain is all I’m suggesting.

See Victo.....for myself I've made a clear boundary between us and them, which is probably where my "gruff harshness" comes from. But it's not meant nastily, nor am I meaning to add to anyone's pain. It's how I strongly feel and if we start welcoming the very people who have been the instigators of our Mindfuck (and it doesn't matter how nice/intelligent/well-spoken or broken they are)....we lose the place we have that is our straightspouse forum.

I attempted to join a Yahoo group for people in MOMs, years ago, but I was told I didn't belong without my partner joining too. When I found SSN as it was then....I felt welcomed and even though I have awkward patches still I know this is the only place I feel understood

**Posted by Victo** September 29, 2022 4:49 pm

Elle, I get it. But even with me, a total straight spouse, you have demonstrated a ‘tough love’ stance that I honestly appreciate, but which came across as harsh.

I had to back up and look through your posts to realize that it was just the way you sometimes express yourself. Again, I honestly appreciate it.

But I know you have delineated this forum even when people’s long time partners, not even married, come out. Perhaps it is just a way of making sense of something that makes zero sense. 🤷‍♂️