OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Fantasy vs Reality

**Posted by Anon2222** August 21, 2022 11:18 am

OutofHisCloset....no worries about high jacking. This is for anyone in a similar boat. Due to the restrictions around divorce here and what not....I'll also be having a 17th "wedding" anniversary before I can apply for a divorce.

I wish this was something that qualified for an immediate divorce. Like, there's no hope of reconciliation. But we have to "prove" it to the government I guess. So, all told it takes up to 2 years or so to divorce someone here (peacefully - heaven help the people that have a fight ahead).

I agree with you, I was alone a long time before this all happened, I just didn't know it. And it seems like such a waste of my time and life to spend more years in this mess. Now that it's over, I just want to be done with it. I also just want the pain to stop!

**Posted by Victo** August 21, 2022 2:06 pm

Anon- For what it is worth, you already sound healthier than you did when you started posting. Not that it has been easy or will get easy. This is all as hard as can be.

But congratulations on getting through the anniversary. You can do it!!

**Posted by lily** August 21, 2022 2:13 pm

anon, glad to hear you made it through the day in such fine style.

OOHC - yes that is exactly my experience too - I never was truly married, I just believed I was - I lived alone next to a cardboard cut out with a gnome of a man behind the mask. He is and always was a con man.

I was there in his father's last days, his parents were surprisingly unemotional about their parting - like they couldn't care less about each other. and then came the resurrection, she lost a bit of weight, got a new wardrobe, went on group travel holidays, but it was more than all that - she opened up a bit, there was more of her, she was a lot happier as a widow than a wife.

I feel the same - his shadow is off my heart.

**Posted by Rob** August 22, 2022 1:14 pm

Anon

Good for you..self care on your anniversary. I think you will find, from what you describe, its better than previous anniversaries where he didn't to celebrate anyway.
I dont dwell or feel sad on my anniversary anymore. There was never anything I could do that was good enough on our anniversary..flowers gifts, dinner..nothing was good enough.
Our last anniversary I tried to make extra special with a sitter, expensive dinner, jewelry..stuff out of a hallmark movie.. she accepted it all but being without contact with her girlfriend for that duration, proceeded to ignore me and text her girlfriend immediately when we got home.. there was nothing I could do to compete with gay love.

No, I consider no anniversaries like the past a priceless gift.

**Posted by walkbymyself** August 24, 2022 7:08 am

Ellexoh, I do love your advice (as usual).

My anniversary is on the 27th. It seems like it happened to someone else, at this point.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** August 24, 2022 2:30 pm

walkbymyself wrote:
Ellexoh, I do love your advice (as usual).
My anniversary is on the 27th. It seems like it happened to someone else, at this point.

Thanks Walk
We never married. 38 years together....many of them great years til the Mindfuck...and I had, in the early years,
tried to 'begin' a tradition of our own special day. A day I felt would be ours. My partner was never interested, and
I would stuff my disappointment down and lighten it with thoughts of how good my life was anyway.

These days I'm okay with not having another celebration I would probably be mourning. I'm looking across the room at the wedding photos of my wonderful daughter and her husband and think.....nobody has a crystal ball.

Elle