OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Making it work

**Posted by Jo171** August 13, 2022 9:53 am

With much discussion and honestly we are making it work. We know each other over 50 years and married soon to be 38. Our love, respect and honesty have helped us reach a working relationship. I read the stories and can relate to some. My gay husband loves me very much and wants this to work, as do I. Being open and clear makes a world of difference. We have a good life and a great sex life. I know may sound strange. I hope others can find that place where you are at peace with your relationship.

**Posted by lily** August 13, 2022 4:30 pm

Just wondering Jo - when did you discover your H was gay, before you married after you married after you had children, and did he tell you or did you find out accidentally?

**Posted by Jo171** August 14, 2022 8:13 am

I knew he was gay before we married. In the beginning he was "faithful", I am using this word to try and explain. Of course, he could not maintain that. I do not negate who he is, it is after all who he is.For me, he is not the "bad" guy. I feel acknowledgement is important if you want the relationship to work. His life with me is focus.

**Posted by Anon2222** August 14, 2022 9:59 am

I'm glad it works for you but admit I'm intrigued.....if you/he knew he was gay before you got married....then why did you get married?

Although that's a much different circumstance than the majority here. As you knowingly entered the marriage with all the facts. For most of us, we had no idea and got to deal with the lies, deceit, and being used.

**Posted by Jo171** August 14, 2022 11:03 am

We got married because we fell deeply in love. We got married because we both wanted to make a life together. We love and like each other very much. We are committed to each other. My husband does not seek love nor a relationship with a man. Probably hard to explain but, he has a need every now and then for a man. It's not perfect, but what is perfect? I believe if you want and am committed, you can find your north. What works for both of you.
It's the lying and hurt and disappointment that leaves us broken.
As I said in the beginning he tried. Knowing made it easier to talk and find our way.

Last edited by Jo171 (August 14, 2022 11:04 am)

**Posted by Blackie563** August 14, 2022 11:38 am

Jo171 wrote:
It's the lying and hurt and disappointment that leaves us broken.

First let me says I am truly happy for you both. I dont know you, but loves like love "conquered all". I must admit even a bit jealous, as I have asked myself, since my wife says I've been the perfect husband, in every way for 20 years, why would her feelings for the woman at the gym, who is married to a man and unaware impact us at all? She says she has what she wants, so why not focus on that? I guess that's what I want, she has to come to that on her own.
I wish you continued love and happiness, you both deserve it. Thank you for sharing this with the forum.
I have so long to go and am so hurt right now, I dont know what things will end. I appreciate you all.

**Posted by Lola** August 25, 2022 4:21 pm

Jo171 wrote:
I knew he was gay before we married. In the beginning he was "faithful", I am using this word to try and explain. Of course, he could not maintain that. I do not negate who he is, it is after all who he is.For me, he is not the "bad" guy. I feel acknowledgement is important if you want the relationship to work. His life with me is focus.

Hi Jo171,

Could you explain a bit more your path? Are you monogamous?
I discovered my fiancé is gay, we are not married yet, I’m completely lost. The only thing I know is that I still love him. I’m not sure what I want to know of your story, but I’m intrigued!

**Posted by Jo171** August 25, 2022 4:34 pm

I will start by saying today we are married 38 years. We are committed to the relationship. I would love to say that love is enough, it's a start, a necessary start. It all depends on what you both want, together and separately. For me I accept who my husband is, I do not negate him. We are open about his sexuality. I truly believe that honesty, discussion, open feelings are necessary. I think everyone must find their way. I am sending you positive thoughts.

**Posted by Lola** August 25, 2022 4:36 pm

Jo171 wrote:
I. I am sending you positive thoughts.

Thank you, I’m sending you too, wish you all the best!

**Posted by roka** September 5, 2022 11:07 am

Blackie563 wrote:
since my wife says I've been the perfect husband, in every way for 20 years, why would her feelings for the woman at the gym, who is married to a man and unaware impact us at all? She says she has what she wants, so why not focus on that? I guess that's what I want, she has to come to that on her own.

I am sorry for you being hurt, Blackie!
Isn´t it the same thing with all of us, straigth or SSA or whatever? In the end it is a choice what we do and if we follow our desires. Down the path I might fall for another man. My SSA partner might fall for a man. The question is, what our commitment to each other means to us, isn´t it?
I acknoledge that it might be a tad different when someone supressed his or her SSA, but still fidelity is a chioce. I even think loving someone is a choice to a certain extent. Both will have to make that choice constantly to uphold a relationship.