I hear you. After my first husband came out as gay and left me to be a single mom with 2 kids to raise I had relatives coming out of the woodwork asking what I did wrong as a wife.
F them all. 
Seriously. 
Live your best life, make fantastic memories with your kids. Betcha she's divorced within 3 yrs.

Why is there so much support for your gay wife in the world?

It doesn't seem right does it, it feels morally, emotionally wrong.  Horribly wrong.  And yet we quickly learn not to expect sympathy in general.

 I was with my ex for a long time before working out he was gay in denial and when I did I promised myself I would not keep silent, he could do what he liked but I would not keep his secret any more.  Well the first thing Is I stopped talking with his family because I didn't want to cause trouble and on it goes, I have learnt to look for straights men and women amongst all the everyone else.  I will tell anyone who wants to know I got divorced because he was gay but I do not elaborate or expect sympathy and that works quite well for me as the closeted women realise quite quickly I am not a threat.

Think biology, and do the maths.

I know in recent times we have artificial insemination but basically the situation is that to have a child takes having sex with a member of the opposite sex.  How big is the LGetc community, the openly gay people?  This has to be just the tip of a very large iceberg.

Straight women are at the bottom of the pile.  Where we get a kicking for not being as ballsy as all the secretly gay women.   And watch the straight men we love take an arrow through the heart from their lesbian wives.

The good news is as you get older it's like there you are - still a straight, too old and off the market but still kinda gorgeous.



 

Focus on you and the kids right now.  My friend told me that "everyone loves a good coming out story and no one things of the people left behind when that happens".

Like Lily I am not keeping his secret for him, he can't tell me not too but I can tell he's nervous as more find out.  I have slowly been telling more and more people in our circle.  He's well aware of what he's doing looks bad.  I have nearly died 3 times, am trying to get on disability, have insane anxiety, and three kids at home...and he's leaving me to pursue other men. 

I get a lot of "How could he do that to you" and "you poor thing" and "oh what are you going to do now?"

And what I am going to do is secure a future for myself and my kids.  I am documenting things that I might need to document if things can't be resolved in mediation.  I'm not in apps and chat rooms looking for a new partner, I'm on zillow and talking to my mortgage dude about what I can do.  I am fully focused on setting myself up, with my disabilities, to be a single parent.  I am making a concerted effort to make sure I do more things with just me and the kids.  Make out own special memories.  

I won't lie that I am a bit upset with his parents.  Though it started rocky they have now accepted his choice and I feel like I've been left in the garbage by his family.  I didn't want them to disown him or anything but I wanted someone to hold his feet to the fire about so many years of of lying and the wreckage he is leaving behind.  I used to text with his mom a lot, we were very close, and now I don't reach out.  I respond if she asks me something but I keep it short and too the point. 

Know we are here for you.

I think it is just that we suffer stories of emotional wreckage and society doesn’t tend to celebrate those stories.  People want happy endings and superheroes.  And gay pride movies, apparently.

There is even a film coming out soon called BROS in which a character says “Does anyone remember straight people?  They had a nice run.”

🤦‍♂️