OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / First my husband, now my teens

**Posted by Deepbreathkeepgoing** May 26, 2022 5:51 pm

I am three years out from learning my husband of 20 years is gay. This year, my 16 year old daughter came out as a lesbian and two days ago my 18 year old tells me he discovered earlier this year that he is a trans girl (I don’t believe this - I think he is a very confused neurodivergent kid dating a trans kid) and also bisexual (at least). I only have two kids. This is ridiculous. I have handled my daughter very well - I’m ok with that now but my son looks like his dad and is acting like him and I’m starting to act with him the way I treated his dad (not good). This is too much. Everyone says go talk to someone and I want to but where to begin? Any recommendations? I’m from a small town so online might be best.

**Posted by Daryl** May 26, 2022 7:49 pm

Is the small town concern about lack of resources or an 'everyone knows everyone else' privacy concern? If it's the latter, professionals have ethics codes to maintain patient confidentiality. If it's just about access, with all the chaos in the last few years I suspect many organizations now offer online sessions.

You have a lot going on and I'm sure you want to maintain a good relationship with your kids, whatever they decide is right for them. You might even want to start with your family doctor. They may be able to direct you to a specialist with the right training.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 26, 2022 7:56 pm

Oh my! yes. My partner (still together) is bisexual so I've had the whole Mindfuck going on with all the confusion, anger and thinking I'd leave, then Covid happening, it all seeming too difficult, and deciding to stay til....well I'm not really sure lol
Then my grandson (16) has opened up to close family that he is trans and I've had to change my whole way of thinking. I've had quite a few angry thoughts about older men who've destroyed their families while "finding themselves" and "being authentic". I've had very dark moments of....not hatred but close to it. But I now have to soften the way I feel. Separate how I think about & react to what my grandson is going through and what's happened to my world.
You should keep a good r'ship with your children and as much as you can be honest with them. Because they are young enough to have not harmed/ruined anybody's life yet

You must find somebody to talk to face to face but yeah we're here to listen in the meantime

Elle

**Posted by Gloria** May 27, 2022 7:22 am

One of the reasons that I stayed with my gay ex was because of Covid, a safe place for my 13 pound dog who had been bitten by a family member's dog and security where money was concerned. My self esteem was low because of this. Elle/Kia you are doing the right thing by supporting your grandson. I am holding a good thought for you.