OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Just hoping for a little guidance

**Posted by daseal21** May 23, 2022 9:31 am

One week ago, my wife of eight years (and mother to my children, ages 4 and 2) shared with me that she has come to the realization she is, in fact, gay. While I had hoped for at least a bisexual orientation, she is very certain in her feelings. She can't see a marriage where we have a physical relationship anymore, and I can't see one where we don't. So I am coming to the very sad realization that our marriage is over. We have so much to figure out.....kids, finances, living situation, etc....i just feel so very paralyzed. How do I even begin to move forward from here? I'm trying to get set up with a therapist, but its taking a bit longer than I had hoped to find one with an opening). I know there are no answers, but any insight or encouragement is welcome.

**Posted by daseal21** May 23, 2022 9:34 am

I've posted this in the support section, I realize that's a more appropriate spot

**Posted by Dutchman** May 23, 2022 11:01 am

You're suddenly in a terrible difficult situation. Your wife response is probably a result of more than just last week. She's been struggling with it for some time. (at least months, more likely years). One way is like the path she has gone now. What had tipped her doing so?
Can and wants she consider other ways dealing with what she discovered?
Is she willing to take time to reflect on all of this, after she disclosed this message?

Last edited by Dutchman (May 23, 2022 11:04 am)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 23, 2022 12:55 pm

Daseal21 ... Glad you found the Forum. Even though the will be other options of help and advice out there for you there's more empathy here than anywhere else because we all know what you're going through.
Good idea to post in the Support section too, you'll get a better overall picture of the way forward... especially since you seem to be leaning towards thinking your marriage can't last.
Take good care of yourself and your little ones. Put the decisions you make for the 3 of you ahead of the ones your wife is probably going to make for herself alone.

Elle

**Posted by Linda J** May 24, 2022 7:25 am

Daseal21, I know that shell-shocked feeling. At first, when my husband said he wanted to live as a gay man, I didn't know what to expect. He said he loved me, but he couldn't change his desire for something else "more fulfilling." I was, and still feel, confused and devastated. During the first few weeks, all I could do was breathe, function, and cry. A few months out, and with the help of counseling, I'm feeling less panic, more clarity. And, most importantly, I know that as much as it hurts, I can do this. I know you can do this, and I'm so glad you're a devoted Dad. You have so much value, and a strength you haven't ever seen before will rise with you to meet this challenge.

**Posted by Phil9999** October 5, 2022 9:30 am

Daseal21.....I came on here because my wife also of 8 years and two kids who are turning 5 and 3 now came out and said she always felt unsettled and came to realization tat she is a lesbian. She always wondered why she didn't want my advances as much as I was making them or why she didn't desire me physically as much as her other girlfriends did their husbands. Told me I was nothing short of perfect but she can't see herself with me anymore. We literally moved into a new build home a month ago...so we will need to sell it and buy new homes which is my biggest fear the finances.

How are you doing navigating all this as I am still at a loss for words? I see this was posted in May of this year so hoping you are still on here.

**Posted by RickySpanish** October 5, 2022 2:16 pm

Linda J wrote:
Daseal21, I know that shell-shocked feeling. At first, when my husband said he wanted to live as a gay man, I didn't know what to expect. He said he loved me, but he couldn't change his desire for something else "more fulfilling." I was, and still feel, confused and devastated. During the first few weeks, all I could do was breathe, function, and cry. A few months out, and with the help of counseling, I'm feeling less panic, more clarity. And, most importantly, I know that as much as it hurts, I can do this. I know you can do this, and I'm so glad you're a devoted Dad. You have so much value, and a strength you haven't ever seen before will rise with you to meet this challenge.

I really needed to read this today. Thank you.