OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Can trauma make this happen ??

**Posted by Crystal_H** May 6, 2022 8:14 pm

Is it possible that trauma can make someone suppress and not accept that they are gay? I do not understand trauma but I do know that sexual trauma is very complex. My GXH experienced childhood sexual trauma from another male. All his life he has learned to suppressed this trauma. Him being attracted to the same sex brought on a fear for him that he was not maybe understanding and ready to face. Now at over 40 he started therapy and he is now able to unpack and discover these feelings. He went through the motions of marriage because this is what he “thought” he was supposed to do. I see now that he is having a hard time when I tell him that I feel lied and betrayed. He says it was not a lie or deceit because during our marriage he was doing what he “thought” he was supposed to do which was marry a women. What are your thoughts on this? I feel and know that he could very well have suppressed the trauma and this makes sense. Could the trauma however still be subconsciously there through his actions?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 7, 2022 1:35 am

My thoughts are... I was only willing to try to understand the whys, whos and wherefores about why he did what he did up to a certain point. Because the fact is he changed my/our lives irreversibly and I don't know if anything I've been told is true

I'd rather concentrate on me

Elle

**Posted by Gloria** May 7, 2022 8:15 am

I agree with Elle. Please take care of yourself.

**Posted by Crystal_H** May 7, 2022 9:31 am

Ellexoh_nz wrote:
My thoughts are... I was only willing to try to understand the whys, whos and wherefores about why he did what he did up to a certain point. Because the fact is he changed my/our lives irreversibly and I don't know if anything I've been told is true

I'd rather concentrate on me

Elle

Thanks Ella, you are right. Im in the stage where I just heard this news so im finding it hard to not question everything. I was there was a switch that would just turn all my racing thoughts off!!!

**Posted by Crystal_H** May 7, 2022 9:34 am

Gloria wrote:
I agree with Elle. Please take care of yourself.

Thanks Gloria! I’m trying and I will, but I’m in the beginning phase of this where I was given this information. I think what helps is that I am already divorced and don’t have to deal with the processing of the actual divorce. Now I’m just trying to process the news of him coming out to me after the 13 marriage.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 7, 2022 1:44 pm

Crystal.....Oh my! I remember those days! And Crystal... you actually have to go through this part, the questions and confusion, because it's all a part of it. Up until the day I found this Forum I had nobody, no place where I felt anyone truly understood what was happening to me. Don't talk to me about questions, I had a million AND no answers! so all my questions just filled up my head with tears and sadness

Look at it as a journey. The road has potholes and slippages, it has hills & valleys, long straight bits you think will never end, twists and turns when you have to slow down but there should always be a point in the distance, the light at the end of the tunnel... That, even if you can't see it, you know it's there

**Posted by Rob** May 7, 2022 9:02 pm

Crystal,

My thoughts on this is they certainly make us look back and question everything...like they are a supreme being or Dr who and can rewrite our past.

I can look back and see the bad treatment my GX gave me and the gay while I didn't see it, certainly explains our just adequate sex life.

But I will say I loved fiercely and loyally..kept all my vows and promises.
I gave true love.. fierce and unselfish.. and for that I will say they cannot rewrite or change. Knowing this gives me some comfort no matter what my GX does now.

**Posted by Blue Bear** May 9, 2022 4:42 pm

It sounds like he knew what he was doing, so his saying that his snookering of you "was not a lie or deceit" is pretty darn lame. HIs statement that he was not committing a lie or deceit is the very definition of committing a lie or deceit.

They almost never accept the blame for this.