Probably trauma experience. It's difficult not to come out of this without some mental anguish.

I have had trouble finding a therapist over the last 10 years. I even had one woman on our first day, start telling me how sad it was for my gay husband to be in a marriage with a woman. 

What has helped me the most in the last 8 months is learning about narcissism in its various forms, Complex PTSD, dissociation, and how to manage dysregulation. Before that, I kept focusing on my husband being gay, whereas, I really needed to focus on healing myself and moving on.

At this point, I am personally looking for a therapist specializing in trauma and EMDR therapy. I will add some links to YouTube channels that were helpful to me. Take Care!

Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/c/SurvivingNarcissism/videos

Doctor Ramani specializes in narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani/playlists

Resetting the Vagus Nerve, releasing trauma
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFV0FfMc_uo&ab_channel=SukieBaxter-WholeBodyRevolution

Brené Brown, Shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WLwjcgLLnw&ab_channel=MotivationThrive

When you're ready to start taking charge, Mel Robbins was helpful in motivating me
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhW2xUEb-B-YBh1DzsPLF9q6ixgVHQVD4

Crystal_H wrote:

This entire time I thought I was the one being narcissists and had many narcist behaviors due to how I was maneuvering through the marriage and even giving myself much grief and regret for this. Now after finding out that I wasn't crazy and there was actually something there that I just couldn't put my finger on is very eye opening. I have a therapist. so far we've connected. She is not a trauma therapist however, she's been pretty good and making me more self aware that I was lied to and it was not my fault.

Absolutely, you weren't crazy. This forum is where I started to hear the word "Narcissist" and I initially thought, "no, he's not like that". There are different degrees of it aside from the stereotypical boisterous jerk. For example, my ex is a "Covert Narcissist". He seems like such a nice guy to everyone, maybe a little introverted, but in reality, he was acting & & lying & manipulating & hiding.

I think we all have self-preserving traits come out now and again and I also wondered if I had narc tendencies but it's the long-term emotional manipulation that makes us 2nd guess ourselves constantly. I wish I had known about narcissism before our last attempt at couples therapy. He was more concerned with making himself look innocent & victimized in the eyes of the therapist than actually working out an amicable friendship with me.

It took me a while to find self-help that resonated with me online since I couldn't find an actual person to work with me. I'm glad you have someone to talk to. It's so important to tell the truth to someone. 
If the covert narc sounds familiar, here's one more video... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNMUa43z6FE&ab_channel=AngieAtkinson
Take Care!!

I've had 2 therapists I terminated with because of their pro-LGBT stances. One wanted me to go back to my TGXH and the other asked if I was used to seeing him in women's clothing. She went to a church that was very pro-LGBT.  I don't have a therapist now, although I would like to have one.  My insurance doesn't cover many of them and I live  in a small town.

I'm really having a hard time with all the politics concerning LBGTs.  I can't support their being accepted as normal  and having all these legal protections that I think are wrong and that infringe on other people's rights.

 

Rob wrote:

I really don't think one needs a therapist dealing with LGBTQ issues..we need help for us not them.

I can agree. The therapy would be for my issue. I’m so over making everything about my GX husband. The focus will be on me.