I told him last night that I would not ever be using the motor bunny. I thought I was going to throw up, I was so anxious. But he took it in stride..... Thank goodness.

I agree there is a sex addiction going on in his world. And fetishes, for sure. I also know that you can't have a healthy relationship when there is addiction of ANY kind going on. I'm glad he will be going to counselling; he should have done it years ago, but some are slow to seek healing.

I AM talking to two close girlfriends about what is going on, even though he asked me to keep everything between us. I need support in this. Thank you, everyone, for the support.

I feel better today. I can stand strong in my boundaries. And I do love him, and I also love him enough to let him go if need be, with love. So that gives me strength, removes any fear.

I will see him through some counselling, while honouring myself. And I do have ptsd from work trauma, and one thing ptsd taught me is that my emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health MUST come first in my life. I will protect my health, first and foremost.

This is all a blessing. He needs to be at peace with himself, and I hope counselling helps him get some clarity. And I'm at peace, now, with myself. I've worked hard to get there, and I know my boundaries and will honour them.

Thanks again for all the comments and advice. I'm grateful for the support. Best.

Nita Jalkanen wrote:

....My boyfriend has a room in his house dedicated to recreational sex.  A play room.  He also spent thousands and thousands of dollars on a motor bunny.... I've tried it; it was painful.  He keeps going on about me trying it again.....even though I've told him it hurts.  It is a thorn in his side.......

As soon as you realise you're a prop in this 'recreational room' and that you will only have value to your boyfriend (you're 55, he's 56....you're both too old for that label surely) as long as you're compliant to his sexual fantasies....you may find the will/strength/frustration to admit that this is something you don't want in your life and cut all contact with him. 
As for "seeing him through counselling"....really? That may just suck you back in to his mind-sex-games because that's what he's playing

Elle

OMG Nita I looked up motor bunny on incognito. Good grief.  Not for amateurs. Its hardcore.  This man is way into weird. Especially if he was operating it, it hurt you, and he didn't care.

And you were so scared of telling him no to that freakazoid machine you almost threw up. Classic sign of an unhealthy power dynamic. Your boundaries are being trampled not respected. The appropriate boundary with this guy is NO CONTACT.

You are setting yourself up for more PTS if you stay with him.
His mental health was f*cked way before you came along and a few visits to a psychologist isn't going to fix that.   

Why make him your problem - haven't you got better things to do with your time than be scared and worried about a guy who wants you to have sex with a machine?

Thank you, everyone.  You have given me a lot to think about.  

Thank you, everyone. The support means a lot. After me telling him on Saturday that I will never use the motor bunnies, he re-established his play room, on Sunday, with both motor bunnies front and center. He is still trying to convince me to use them. I won't. It is troublesome that he won't hear me, and my eyes are wide open, taking this all in 

So I've known this man for 43 years. So we have a long history of friendship. Which means to say, if this was anyone else, I'd be long gone.

So let's recap. He lost his wife to cancer last year, and is still grieving. He has suicidal ideations. He is going through a major job change. He has a sex addiction. He has been suppressing his bisexuality all his life, and/or denying it to others, and wrestling with inner conflict. He is 31 years sober, but addiction takes many forms. He has passive aggressive tendencies. So, he is a mess. I know this. I think it is a big step for him to start counselling, and I will remain his friend and ally in that regard. If it was anyone else, I'd run away, believe me.

I feel psychologically healthy. I have set boundaries, and won't waver from them. I have worked too hard in life to gain my psychological, physical, mental, and spiritual health, to allow them to be compromised.

I am not afraid of losing him, and can set him free with love. Right now, I'm riding this through to see how counselling goes for him.....and will remain his friend whether we remain intimate or not.

If I catch a sniff of me being psychologically hurt or sliding into unhealthy places, I will pull the plug immediately. I won't sacrifice my health.

He's obviously a mess. I won't add to his burdens, but nor Will I sacrifice myself. I guess if I hit a wall, I will know it. Him setting up the play room again, featuring the motor bunnies, may indeed be the wall. I haven't decided yet. Still processing that.

Thank you so very much. It really helps to have the support.