I hope you don't have to watch the penguins have sex.  Gay or straight, sometimes penguins are entitled to privacy.

I did have a similar experience with a series that I recently watched -- The White Lotus on HBO is about a resort in Hawaii, and over the course of the season it tracks the stories of several characters who are guests and workers at the resort.  I didn't actually get hooked the first time I tried to watch it, but recently for no particular reason I started over.  It's kind of dark humor.  So one character is there with his family and he's recently had a cancer scare, and at one point he becomes concerned about whether cancer is in his family.  His father had died when he was very young, so he called his uncle to talk about his father's death -- which he'd always been told was from cancer.  His uncle responded that his father had actually been gay, and had died of AIDS.  

So he kind of goes into this spiral, and while I completely relate -- I was sitting there cringing and desperately hoping the show didn't just go for the easy yuks or pretend, somehow, that this was a wonderful revelation of some kind.  The character's college-age children actually made a lot of the dumb remarks that people tend to make, with complete indifference to the obvious pain the topic was causing him.  So all in all, I thought they made a fair portrayal of it, and didn't turn it into the usual story line about What They Don't Know Can't Hurt Them.  

But I was sitting there with my daughter watching -- and really getting stressed wondering if I was the only person getting triggered in the room.  At least they didn't portray it as the punch line to a dirty joke.

My husband and I watched the Downton Abbey movie from a couple years ago, and I had a huge trigger moment. It was a few days ago, when I was feeling very clear-headed and empowered by the divorce decision. We’ve had really open, helpful talks about logistics and moving on.

We’ll, toward the end a character that I knew was gay ends up going to a gay club. It was a quick reveal of what the room was, and then the scene changed. My heart was pounding for a few minutes. Then it goes back to the club to show guys all over each other as they dance, and I was suddenly in the bathroom sobbing.

I didn’t even remember getting up, just was sitting on the side of the tub crying and rocking, moaning and shaking so hard. After a long cry I sat quietly a while. Went back to my husband where the movie had ended, and when he looked at me the sobbing sprang back out! I found myself saying over and over, “You’re leaving me for that!” It felt like the deepest betrayal.

The silver lining was we had a really good talk. Until lately, he would zone out and dissociate if I’m emotional in any small way. Now that we’re separating and he’s not playing the fake husband, he stays in emotions with the kids and I. He cried with me about how this is for me. I shared a lot of the messages I got from how he treated me, about my looks and being gross to him. It was a healing talk.

My comments in red 

LMM wrote:

I didn’t even remember getting up, just was sitting on the side of the tub crying and rocking, moaning and shaking so hard. After a long cry I sat quietly a while. Went back to my husband where the movie had ended, and when he looked at me the sobbing sprang back out! I found myself saying over and over, “You’re leaving me for that!” It felt like the deepest betrayal....I am empty of all need to express emotion towards my partner these days. I have been through the sobbing/emotional stage but in the end realised I was banging my head against a brick wall. My partner lacks the  emotional empathy that allows a person to see and acknowledge pain in another. 

The silver lining was we had a really good talk. Until lately, he would zone out and dissociate if I’m emotional in any small way. Now that we’re separating and he’s not playing the fake husband, he stays in emotions with the kids and I. He cried with me about how this is for me. I shared a lot of the messages I got from how he treated me, about my looks and being gross to him. It was a healing talk.....a healing talk for you? what about your husband..did he have much to say or was he for the most part silent? Many times I talked to my partnerand he listened.... which is not really talking together.  

Elle
 

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

So I'm sitting listening to the news on the radio and on comes a report about a same-sex penguin couple who successfully raised a chick.... No I'm not laughing 

I saw this a week or two ago and was yet again exasperated. Why??!! LGBTQ issues infiltrate everything. Why is this necessary? The chicks needed an egg. 

I've been trying to counteract the cultural omnipresence by reading some culturally critical books over the last half year. It helps, but I think many would call such "intolerance" "hateful". Which I think is maintaining reality rather than an obvious bias.

I was also very triggered by that scene of Downtown Abbey and had a conversation with family about why it was so triggering immediately after. I was also very triggered by The Imitation Game (2014 movie), which I saw a few months ago.

The side of the straight people lied to point blank and used needs to be told equally. Ugh!

Last edited by clintonia (February 15, 2022 12:23 am)