OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Poems from a straight spouse

**Posted by LMM** February 6, 2022 4:33 pm

I’ve written some poems during this year of learning that my husband is gay, then thinking he’s Bi and we’ll make it work, then the love bombing “honeymoon” that fell apart and now going into divorce. I’d like to post some in hopes that it’ll resonate with others here. I’m not under delusions that my poetry itself is fabulous for the world to read, but the heartfelt emotions that came out in these poems might spark some shared emotions.

Scapegoat

Soul sinking
Plunging into
Caverns deep
Great despair

Punished for the
Sins of others
Handy scapegoat
Little lamb

Unjust treatment
At the hands of
One you love with
All your heart

Opens caverns
Endless questions
Other women
Never ask

Labeled crazy
And ungrateful
Should I thank you
For your “love”?

**Posted by LMM** February 6, 2022 4:36 pm

Faithful

Yes, you’re faithful
Ever loyal
I should feel grateful and secure

You feel owned and
Obligated
Where’s the thrill in forced sex?

You have dreams
More alluring
Than entrapment, loss of choice

You wear armor
Grip a dagger
When you tell me we’ll make love

Last edited by LMM (February 6, 2022 4:47 pm)

**Posted by LMM** February 6, 2022 4:38 pm

The Gold

I see gold in you
True talent and charm
I see brilliant innovation
Melded with doubt

Shame cuts you down
But there’s too much gold
To be hidden completely
It’s always exposed

A boy full of sunshine
Grew up in the rain
Constant thunder
Mud stuck to gold

Clouds hide the sun
But it doesn’t doubt
Its warmth and beauty
The sun knows its truth

The gold in your spirit
Always in my view
It’s why I keep holding
These weary arms out

**Posted by LMM** February 6, 2022 4:45 pm

Marriage Journey

The journey we’re on
Is a literal road
Three miles of pavement
Our feet touch each day

Each mile rubs off
Dirt from our souls
As dirt cakes onto
The soles of our shoes

Unpredictable journey
All brambles and thorns
Anvils keep falling
Stale food, broken shoes

Inching closer to a turn
Once distant, now at hand
No signs on this side
If a fork is ahead

The turn might be hiding
A smooth path of grass
Fruit trees alongside
Comfort and healing

Or it may conceal
Two narrow, stony paths
Where wise, healthy people
Part ways with good will

Can I walk with you
All the way to that turn
Step into its curve
And look beyond

My heart is screaming
Don’t take the risk
Authentic life isn’t worth
Such a gamble

Impossible for souls
To be at peace now
Unless we keep walking
Truth costs us so dearly

I love you enough
That I want to stop here
And I love you enough
To never stop here

I love me enough
To stay in half darkness
And I love me enough
To step toward full light

**Posted by lily** February 6, 2022 6:10 pm

yes , the emotions come through - well done, LMM! I enjoyed them very much.

**Posted by HopelessRomantic** February 14, 2022 12:44 pm

LMM,

These are really good. I like the fourth one you wrote. ‘Marriage Journey’

Never stop writing. It’s good for the soul.