OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / I'm Wondering If He's Gay

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 4, 2022 12:48 pm

Watch18 wrote:
He says he’s not gay, bisexual and he’s not even into men
Can anyone tell me if this could be true - I’m devastated and a mess

Welcome to our Forum Watch
If it walks like a duck, and you've seen it swimming like a duck (with another duck) and the duck admits it's been a duck for 3 years (that might be a white lie, it's probably longer) .... then you're probably living with a duck.
All his protests will be because he doesn't want to lose your Straightspouse cover that he's using for his secret life.

Go talk to the other guys wife.

Elle

**Posted by walkbymyself** February 4, 2022 2:04 pm

Agree with Ellexoh, and others ... the problem with getting at the truth with these guys, is they're only going to tell as much of the truth as they've acknowledged to themselves. And frequently they've had plenty of practice lying to themselves.

They also tend to confess just a little bit at a time. There's a very funny "Friends" episode where Phoebe starts talking about the difference between what people say, vs. what they really mean. As an example, she says when a guy says "I think we should start seeing other people" what he really means is "I already am." And this is funny because it's true and painful.

So if the idea is to get at the truth, start by understanding that you're not going to hear it from him. Learn what he looks like when he's lying -- when you KNOW he's lying, just let him keep going.

**Posted by lily** February 5, 2022 12:28 pm

okay so you walked in on your husband in bed with a man and he wants to tell you it's only been going on for 3 years and anyway, he isn't into men?

Denial doesn't mean doesn't know it means not telling. He's been lying to you from the start.

Sorry. It hurts like hell but I think it's better to face up to it, As Zsa Zsa Gabor said - darling you don't know the man you married until you divorce him - I think that's the case for you as much as it was for me.

I agree it would be good to talk to the other guy's wife but want to add a note of caution - you don't know how she will react, do you think she will believe you?

This man has stolen your life. He's not going to admit that to you til the cows come home.