OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / To all the straightspouses on my side of the world.. It's the 25th of

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 24, 2021 11:33 am

The sun has yet to rise but it's xmas day here in New Zealand and I'd like to wish you all the very best in strength and resilience to hold you safe in the extraordinary times we live in.

I've tried to be as strong and focused as I can but as each day passes the path forward doesn't seem any clearer and in fact it's like I'm standing still. And yet something keeps me here, with him, the man who ruined my life... because it's the only life I know and it affords me the time and space to dwell on that which I can't break free of, which is ironic at best and quite sad and wrong at its worst.

Merry Christmas

Elle

**Posted by Daryl** December 24, 2021 12:10 pm

Merry Christmas and I hope 2022 becomes your year. Take care, peace and strength to all.
Daryl

**Posted by lily** December 24, 2021 12:44 pm

the kookaburra has just sounded so it must be almost dawn. merry Christmas.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 24, 2021 2:27 pm

lily wrote:
the kookaburra has just sounded so it must be almost dawn. merry Christmas.

I just have the rushing sound of the cool breeze outside, and the overcast blah-coloured sky out the window. Mirroring how I feel inside

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 24, 2021 2:30 pm

Daryl wrote:
Merry Christmas and I hope 2022 becomes your year. Take care, peace and strength to all.
Daryl

I'm forever hoping Daryl. Peace to you too

Elle

**Posted by lily** December 24, 2021 4:28 pm

overcast here too. very welcome after a couple of hot sweaty days. Everything is in such an awful state, Elle, maybe we will look back at this Christmas and think what a sweet and simple time it was. anyway my view is to enjoy it as much as possible.

Very much I can relate to that blah feeling tho, the 'when you've done everything but then there you still are, facing him across the breakfast table' moment. It's quietly awful, isn't it.

I don't think you can really end a marriage from inside it.

Last edited by lily (December 24, 2021 4:29 pm)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 24, 2021 4:45 pm

lily wrote:
.....
Very much I can relate to that blah feeling tho, the 'when you've done everything but then there you still are, facing him across the breakfast table' moment. It's quietly awful, isn't it.

I don't think you can really end a marriage from inside it.

Correct.
I can only continue to seperate myself and wait til the 'shift' that must surely happen....happens

**Posted by lily** December 24, 2021 6:05 pm

Not sure what you mean by a shift that will surely happen.

Can you describe that, what it looks like?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 24, 2021 7:04 pm

lily wrote:
Not sure what you mean by a shift that will surely happen.
Can you describe that, what it looks like?

I sure can.
Knowing my self and my strengths (and weaknesses)....it will be something I have to do and there will be no doubt that it will happen. It will be a shift in how I see myself and my future. I'm too old to go off half-cocked and bulletproof because this will be all about survival. Mine

**Posted by Rob** December 25, 2021 10:29 am

Sincere Merry Christmas to all.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.