OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / WHAT DO I DO

**Posted by Helpme25** November 7, 2021 3:04 am

I went through the angry rage part already it’s like I died and I’m just here I only live for my children I feel numb I don’t have anything to look forward to I don’t wanna live life with him I don’t wanna do normal things with him like go on trips decorate our house get a new house I don’t wanna do anything with him I don’t have anything to look forward to I don’t have a husband I don’t have or want a sex live with him I don’t have friends I don’t see anyone I died I am not myself I feel numb and depressed I don’t feel like I’m inside my body I just wake up take of my daughter and that’s it nothing excites me nothing makes me happy than my daughter

**Posted by Gloria** November 7, 2021 9:29 am

If you can, take your daughter and leave. Your husband does not deserve you or your daughter.

**Posted by Abby** November 7, 2021 9:35 am

Going to your parents' temporarily sounds as if it might be a good idea but before you make any plans please consult an attorney about the laws where you live now on divorce, custody and financial support. You need to know your rights so you make sound decisions.

As for your mother's comments about money, it sounds to me as if she is being realistic and does not want you to leave with nothing for what will be a stay of at least several months. She's not able to give you a hug but accept her love and let it give you strength..

**Posted by Daryl** November 7, 2021 10:36 am

I agree with Abby, planning is so important here, particularly when it comes to child custody.

Set the board. Start thinking about what you immediately need to take with you and what can stay behind, pending further arrangements. If you're the detail oriented type, start making lists and high-light 'now' vs. 'later' things. This may help you detach and give you purpose and direction, if not for you, for your daughter. Small steps can get you there.

**Posted by Helpme25** November 7, 2021 3:39 pm

Thank you for the replies

Yes I am starting to look for a custody lawyer before I leave so that way I am prepared I have never dealt with a lawyer before so how do I start? Do I tell the lawyer everything do I tell them I want full custody or no?

**Posted by Abby** November 7, 2021 4:10 pm

In the U,S. local bar associations often have a list of attorneys with what areas of law their practices include and if they offer free or reduced rate consultations. If you are income-eligible you might qualify for services from your local Legal Aid or Legal Services office but due to Covid their services may have been reduced and.or have waiting lists.

I think I saw on this board where another poster listed a resource geared towards women. If there is a group where you are that works with Domestic Violence survivors it may be able to provide names of attorneys with whom it is familiar.

Tell the attorney your situation, what you ideally want and if you have any fears about how your husband will react. You want to get as much information as possible and don't feel pressured to retain him or her on the spot.

**Posted by Helpme25** November 7, 2021 8:03 pm

Is it wrong of me to feel bad for him? To leave him ? I guess my heart still loves him but my mind says otherwise

**Posted by Soaplife** November 7, 2021 8:22 pm

Helpme25 wrote:
Is it wrong of me to feel bad for him? To leave him ? I guess my heart still loves him but my mind says otherwise

No not wrong - but feelings are not facts.

Your mind is looking at his behaviour - that is a fact - and telling you this situation is very bad for you and your children.

Keep reminding yourself that you did not cause his behaviour. You can pity him but you also must keep you and your children safe.

It takes a while to let go of the feelings and for the heart to catch up with the head.

**Posted by Helpme25** November 8, 2021 4:14 am

Soaplife wrote:
Helpme25 wrote:
Is it wrong of me to feel bad for him? To leave him ? I guess my heart still loves him but my mind says otherwise
No not wrong - but feelings are not facts.

Your mind is looking at his behaviour - that is a fact - and telling you this situation is very bad for you and your children.

Keep reminding yourself that you did not cause his behaviour. You can pity him but you also must keep you and your children safe.

It takes a while to let go of the feelings and for the heart to catch up with the head.

It’s just so devastating the whole thing he was apart of my life for almost 10 years I’m just so torn between breaking my family up and leaving to make myself happy atleast what I feel.

**Posted by Helpme25** November 8, 2021 5:54 am

I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to have a husband who isn’t attracted to me Who doesn’t want me I can never compete I will always lose because I am not a man no matter what I do no matter how much I will change it will always remain the same that he will never want me the I way I deserved to be wanted or to have someone that is in love with ME